Clarity

Oh, uh, just to clarify? Sienna broke her wrist WEEKS ago, remember? We just got the ER bill, is all. Her wrist is fine and dandy and all healed up.

Thanks for the concern.

Still no Friday Freebie for ya, unless you head over to Heidi's place and enter the giveaway for a great cause over there.

Friday Freebie.

Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.

Here's a trick, but no treat....

Due to the recession (and a recent ER visit for a little girl with a broken wrist) there's no Freebie this Friday. I can't afford to mail it to ya!

But happy Friday anyway. *smile*

If you're interested in hosting a Friday Freebie at your place, email me and let me know.

Sorry, ya'll.

Iron Chef: Pickles!!!

Sorry for the delay. Illness has plagued some of our guest judges so we've been a little slow to get to the judging. We considered maybe voting on which of the two recipes came back up easier, but decided that was disgusting.

As you know, I had a co-host this month. Mega thanks to Shelby for donating her husband, time, effort and a prize to the Iron Chef Challenge. You HAVE to go check out her family's review of the recipes.

Now, all the votes are in and we're ready to announce the winner.

We had but two entries this time around:

Sarah @ I Blame My Mother with Pickle Rolls

Cheryl @ Spinning Coaster with Fried Pickles

Looks like popular vote from the poll went to Fried Pickles, as did the majority of the guest judge votes. So, that means the winner is Cheryl!!

Congratulations, Cheryl!!!

Thank you, Sarah, for entering and playing along. :-)

Stay tuned for the next Iron Chef coming up next Wednesday. Hint: holiday dishes.

Seriously Stupid.

So the other night I was at the grocery store (alone - hee hee hoo hoo ha ha!) with my overflowing basket of necessities. These two young women, dressed nicely, were trying to check out but there were only like 4 lines open and 50 of us waiting to check out. Me, being the ever gracious person that I am, asked them if they wanted to step ahead of me and pay for their one item purchase. Of course they did! Thank me! Thank me! Sure, sure. More alone time for me, yo.

The cashier rings them up and asks for ID (What did you think they were purchasing, apples?) and the person paying for the wine offers hers and passes. The cashier then turns to her friend and asks to see HER ID, as well. The friend is all, "Well, I don't have it. I left my purse in the car, I'm the driver." And the cashier lady says, "No can do. You BOTH have to have proper ID or I can't sell to you."

Uh...what? I damn near bought the bottle FOR them but I knew she wouldn't sell to me because all THREE of us didn't have proper ID.

Did I miss something? When did it become law that everyone had to have legal ID? I mean..seriously? I go with a group of friends and buy beer at the store. Someone is with us that has forgotten her purse at home so we don't get the beer? I don't freaking THINK so.

The cashier was all trying to get me to tell her she was right but I wouldn't. I said, "She SAID she left her purse in the car. She wasn't buying, anyway." And the cashier told me some story about how blah blah blah and she's glad she id'd them because he was a cop. Who the hell cares! If I'm buying and I have ID then sell me the freaking wine and shut up. She says, "You just don't know who is going to be sharing their alcohol with a minor." Well, no, ya don't, do ya? But until the law is that you ID everyone in the party to serve one drink then quit pioneering social justice, ok?

What if I go through line with my kids and I have a bottle of wine. You gonna ID them to see if they're of age and then refuse to sell to me? No? Why not? How do you know I'm not gonna go home and make them some wine slushies in the spongebob snowcone & slushie maker? Huh?

Go blaze trails somewhere else cashier lady. I think this whole incident was Seriously Stupid.

Frugalicious

I always am in awe and envious of frugal people that can go to the store and walk out, after savings and coupons, with money in their pocket. I have no idea how these people do it and no matter how hard I try, I always fall short.

Except the other day. I didn't fall short. Nay. I leapt ahead.

I bought these:



Now - check out the label:



What are they? They are White DOLLAR rolls. And how much did I pay? $2.24. Dudes..there were like 17 rolls in there!! They were DOLLAR rolls so I SHOULD have paid $17 but I didn't...I only paid $2.24. HA! HA HA! I *totally* scored on this one, didn't I?

Right?

Just call me Frugalicious.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Uh, I feel the need to point out that this post isn't SERIOUS. Obviously I KNOW the rolls aren't $1 each. C'mon people. Don't email me and try and explain it. I already know. Find a better use of your time.

Here's Your Sign

Mega thanks for all the thoughts, prayers, kind words, sweet emails and love that you all sent our way. Everything is ok, Thursday was just a 'shifting of reality' of sorts that was tough to handle. It's done and over with and we're getting used to our new reality, now.

You guys rock.

Friday Freebie!!!

Oh, look! It's Friday again! Thank heavens!

And what do we do on Fridays, people? We give crap away. That's right.

We cleverly call it ...



Top of our class. (Why do I speak about myself plurally? There's only one of me. It's disturbing.)

To get yourselves (plural you) a good freebie this week, you'll need to head over to my friend Susie's place. Man, this girl is an Iron Cupcake Chef. I kid you not - the cupcakes she comes up with are nothing short of amazing!

So, you know the drill. Click her button and see what goodies she has for you. Tell her I said hi!

Have a weekend!

Absolutes

We all have those things we say, don't we? Things that make us feel safe or even superior?

"I will NOT let my children watch more than 30 minutes of TV per day."

"I would NEVER let someone speak to me in that manner!"

"If he ever hit me, even just once, I'd be GONE in a heartbeat."

"If he cheats on me, I'm leaving with the kids and not looking back."

"If my child dies or something bad happened to them, I won't be able to go on."

Just to mention a few.

Then real life happens and you end up in one of those situations and suddenly, you don't know all that you thought you knew. In fact, you know nothing. All you know is that you have to keep breathing and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe you'd make the decision or react the way you thought you would, but most likely you won't.

Your reality changes. The paradigm shifts. The rug gets pulled out from underneath you.

But you know what? You go on. And you make decisions - good or bad. You have 3 kids in 3 years and realize the value of a 45 min Baby Einstein video. Maybe you stay with him because he PROMISES to never hit you again. Perhaps you stay when he cheats on you, because you both agree to counseling. You keep on going because you have 2 other kids and you HAVE to.

You're made of stronger stuff than you think. Don't sell yourself short and don't underestimate yourself. You can make it through the toughest of times.

Don't judge other people and assume you know how YOU would react in their situation because honestly? You don't have a clue. Unless you've stood in the pile of manure they're knee deep in, then keep your thoughts to yourself and assume the person is doing the best they can. Are you judging someone right now, because you would totally handle the same situation better than they are? Because you have some preconceived notion of how things are supposed to be done? Why? Why are you adding to their burden?

Be thankful for what you have. Be thankful for what hasn't happened. Know that no one is exempt and bad things happen to everyone for absolutely no reason at all. But take heart in knowing that you CAN and WILL get through "it". Whatever "it" is, for you.

In the past 10 years I have faced two of the things I feared most in my life. Two of the things that I knew I would handle differently. Two of the things that I absolutely had no doubt would break me in half. And I'm still standing. Oh, I'm barely standing some days LOL - leaning on those that love me for support - but standing nonetheless.

And that's how I'll remain.

Standing.

Until, yk, I have to sit down because my legs are tired.

Thursday.

Thursday is a terribly rough day for my family. If you could please keep us in your thoughts and prayers I would appreciate it.

Thanks,

heidi's Theory of Evolution

I believe the children are our future..teach them well and let THEM lead the way. That way if there's any danger, us adults will be safely warned. HA!

Just kidding. Crimeny.

Don't run away screaming- this isn't a Creation vs. Evolution argument. No, thank you. Then I'd have to debate with my friend Arlene and she consistently takes me to task. I don't need a whipping this week, thankyouverymuch.

I believe that we must evolve or we will die. We can not stay the same forever. Behaviors must change, ways of thinking must change, our clothing styles must change. It's inevitable. While it may be cool to wear neon again for the next 15 minutes, it is NOT cool to start dating guys with mullets that like to party too much and drive black Iroc Z's. (Was that too specific?)

What was once the norm for us now is not. What was once in vogue, is now passé.

If you're not evolving; you're not changing and growing then what are you doing? You're sitting there, stagnate like moldy pond water. You're decomposing and disintegrating. You're turning into fertilizer.

You know what fertilizer is made of, right? Exactly.

So, to recap my incredibly complicated theory of evolution:

Evolve so you don't turn to crap.

Good, no? Nobel worthy, for sure.

Have a Monday.

Seriously Secret.

Man, I need a good juicy secret to chew on. My secrets are old news, ya know? They're neither interesting or exciting. Nothing worth spilling or holding over anyone's heads.

This is all I've got, yo:

I started teaching in the CradleRoll/Kindergarten class at church this week. That's for 0-6 year olds for those not "in the know". I was asked to teach an older level but I felt like I needed to hang back with the boys so I offered to help out in there. I'm on a rotation to teach every third Sabbath.

I've talked about how I stick out like a sore thumb at my church before, right? I'm the girl with the nose ring and pink hair and they're the people that don't wear makeup or listen to anything but hymns. Oh, my whole church isn't like that but I'd venture a guess that the LOUD majority of them, are.

I used to get so angry at them - at the way I was stared at and talked about. And I won't say it doesn't still make me mad, but more than anything it makes me sad and uncomfortable. Because if I am feeling this way as a member of their church family, what are they doing to those that don't belong? I try to have grace for them because I *am* the odd one out. I *do* dress and act differently. I *don't* subscribe to all the conservative theories they do. So, yk, I try to just give them space.

But this Sabbath as I was getting ready to teach, another mom (that normally teaches) was helping me get set up. I made a comment about needing to get going on the songs and lesson when a different mom asked, "Well who's teaching?" The mom that was helping me said, "heidi is.", at the same time that I said, "I am." I turned to walk over to start the song service when the mom that asked the question said, loud enough for me to hear, "Is this a joke? Are you kidding me?"

I decided that having a throw down in SS would not be cool so I continued to go on singing about being a Sunbeam for Jesus and letting my Light Shine. I tried to act like it didn't bother me, as usual.

But yk what? It did. It hurt my feelings. A lot.

That's my secret - what's yours?

Johnny Knox

Do you know who that is? No, not Johnny "Jackass" Knoxville. Johnny Knox.

He's a wide receiver for Da Bears (Chicago Bears, pro football team for those of you that don't talk the talk).

It's no matter. I just love his name. Say it out loud...Johnny Knox. It's such a badass name, isn't it? I told Rob if we ever have another boy we're naming him Johnny Knox. He's totally destined for coolness with a name like that, right?

People'd be all, "Who's THAT?!?!" And someone would say, "That? Oh that's Johnny Knox." and everyone would go, "Ohhhh." and nod. Not because they'd know who he was but damn, with a name like Johnny Knox he HAS to be supa-fly.

Of course, giving a kid a name like Johnny Knox means they have to live up to a LOT, yk? That's a big name with big implications. Not regal or, I dunno, government job implications but, yk...implications. He'd have to be cool and have awesome hair. He'd have to be nonchalant and unaffected by things. He'd drive a cool car and have eyes to DIE for.

Crap. I think I have a crush on a person that doesn't exist.

Likely what would happen is I'd saddle the kid with a name like Johnny Knox and he'll be a squirelly little kid with glasses that likes to read and play chess. Not that there's anything WRONG with that.

It's still a badass name, though.

Friday Freebie Winner!!!

Thanks for all the loving comments. You guys are totally my BBFFE. *sniff*

The winner of this weeks Freebie is Cheryl from The Spinning Coaster. Ironically, Cheryl is also one of the two contestants in this month's Iron Chef!

Cheryl - email me your snail me so I can get this box-o-crap out to ya. *grin*

Next week there's another Fab Freebie but we have a super sweet guest host. Check back to find out who, what, and where. Then when is always the same, duh.

Friday Freebie!!!!

Welcome aboard my Crazy Train; we give out a prize for riding. We call it the Friday Freebie. Why? Well, uhm, because it's Friday and I give something away for free. I'm very clever, no?

This week I'm giving away some stuff. And by stuff I mean that I'll be digging into my grab bag of randomness and putting together a package for little ole you.

My surprise giveaways are always the Bomb-diggity, yo.

This one time I promised to send something besides Spam. And, being a woman of virtue that keeps her word, I certainly did. I sent this:



Oh yeah, and this:



You're welcome, Lauren.




Another time I promised to send one of my family's favorite tasty treats and, again, I did not fail to deliver.

Brandi received this yummy item via USPS:



Amber got a bunch of Dora stuff based on this vague Friday Freebie.

Another time I sent Heidi a big lame box of crap.

So, see? I never fail to deliver the goods people. And this time is NO exception. *cough cough*

Enter by leaving a comment. If you follow me, mention it and I'll throw in another entry. But, hey...hold up - don't go following me just to win. Follow because you like it here and feel like you can lounge around in your sweats with no makeup on while drinking a glass of cheap ass wine.

That is all.

Happy Friday.

Iron Chef: PICKLES!

Is it hard to make things with Pickles? Apparently!

Looks like this month we're going to have a head to head competition between

Sarah @ I Blame My Mother with Pickle Rolls
Cheryl @ Spinning Coaster with Fried Pickles

Congrats Sarah & Cheryl! The two of you will be playing to win a $10 GC and a new Tupperware Pick-A-Deli.

I'm told the picture shown last time was the wrong one so...yk..here's the right one:



I will put up a poll in my sidebar some time this week - I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and TRY these two recipes!!! Then come back here and vote on them so one of these lovely ladies can win some cool prizes.

You have until Tuesday, October 27th to cast your vote. The winner will be announced the next day.

Thanks for playing along!

Seriously Profane.

WARNING: This one is not for the faint of heart, people. This one will take you places you probably don't want to go. And if you're easily offended? Skip this one and come back tomorrow. I'm totally NOT kidding and NOT using reverse psychology. Don't click on the link.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

My friend Julie shared a site with me yesterday. I clicked, because I trust her. OH. MY. WORD. I was literally laughing so hard I had TEARS running down my face. Now, please don't judge me if you go and decide it's insane and vulgar and that I'm demented. Just remember, I'm under a lot of stress right now. *ahem*

Well just HOLD UP and I'll share it with you! Sheesh! Keep your pants on.

I think what's even funnier than the pictures listed are the comments. THEY'RE what make me double over with laughter.

Their motto is: "Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet."

It's funny, and it's profane. What is it? Why...it's Regretsy, of course.

I'd like to humbly submit that maybe Regretsy is missing out by not having this listed on their site:


Isn't that on EVERYONE'S Christmas list this year?

Iron Chef Reminder!

Don't forget! We need a couple more entries in Iron Chef: Pickle! Do not be intimidated. Honest, it's not as hard as you think.

Click here to read more about it or to enter your picklish recipe.

What I Owe.

I was so amused when I read this post from Amber.. well, wait. Amused is the wong word. I wasn't AMUSED. Nay. No. Hmm...so Amber was doing her duties and vacuuming up after the mess those people she lives with left behind..and inadvertantly sucked up somethign she shouldn't have. Well, uh, SHE didn't suck it up. No...Amber was not scooting around on the floor sucking things up into her mouth. She was using this thing called a vacuum and THAT sucked. It's a tale of woe, really. Not her fault at ALL though. Those Dysons are MUY powerful. (Dora spanish coming in handy here.) She can't be blamed for the power rating of a damned vacuum, can she? Sheesh!

ANYWAY.

So she said that her husband said, "You owe me."

HA!

"You owe me."

When I say that to Rob what I mean is - Clean the bathroom, fool. Or, "I'm going to the store ALONE. By mySELF and I'll be gone for 2 hours. Cope."

But whenever guys say "You owe me." What do they mean?

Exactly.

It's ALWAYS sex.

Why is that?? Is it a reflection of where we place our value? Women are like, 'Dude, you owe me so I'm going to take off by myself for two hours." or "Honey, you owe me BIG so I want you to clean the entire upstairs bathroom - By. Your. Self." And Men are like..leering! as they say "You owe me." And we women..we know. We know what you want. We don't LIKE owing you. You envision Poles, really high shoes and naughty clothes and at least 20 minutes of our precious TIME.

I couldn't find my debit card today but had to run to the store. I ran inside and asked Rob for his and Rob (who has had an abundant amount of sex lately, thankyouvermuch) says, "You owe me." And he leered. No, really, he leered. I knew...I knew what I owed him. Just for using his debit card I was going to owe him a sexual favor. Whereas if he had borrowed MY debit card I wouldn't have said anything other than, "Put it back in my wallet when your done, mmkay?"

Have we deprived our men so much that they seek out any and all opportunities to cash in? If we can OWE them then we HAVE to put out, right? I mean..in testosterone land that's a law, right?

I guess I better get moving since I'm writing this Sunday night and I OWE Rob for using his debit card. I'm glad he let me borrow it..I mean, if I'm gonna OWE him I figure he should at least buy me a bottle of wine first.

Thanks babe!

Mwah.

Friday Freebie!!!!

It's Friday so THAT means it's time for a freebie! WOOT!! Who doesn't like getting something for nothing, eh?

Wanna know what you have to do? OK....listen to me sing..

Take it on the run baby...if that's the way you want it baby...then I don't want you ay-rr-owwohooound. I Don't believe it..not for a minute..you're under the gun so you take it on the run...

Name that band.

Well, that actually won't win you anything because the Freebie isn't here today. But I still want you to name that band/song. Don't google - big cheaters.

Now, for a REAL freebie go check out Shawn's blog and see what kind of goody you'll be getting.

Will it be a gift card to Target, Starbucks, either, both?

A little something from It's Personal?

Let's Make a Deal style......bag #1, bag #2 or bag #3?

A regurgitated sock from the ever so fabulous Rogue?

Go find out!



And, hey? Have a weekend, ok?

Shirk...Shirking..Shirkadirckadooda

I always say I'd participate in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop if I had the time, followed up by "but I just don't have the time". Well, today I still don't have the time but I'm shirking my responsibilities in the name of ... um... hmmm...certainly not inspired creativity. I'm just shirking them to shirk them...because shirk is a fun word to say. Shirkilicious.

Anyway...

I couldn't decide, this week, which writing prompt to chose. I was going to do this one: 2.) Find your one very favorite picture of Summer and write a poem about it but I decided that Summer might get weirded out by that and get a restraining order and block me from reading her blog or something.

So, of course, I went with this one...duh

5.) The top ten things I'd rather be doing than having sex with David Letterman

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is my Top Ten list:

10. I would rather be forced to watch the View every day than have sex with David Letterman. Even *I* have limits, people.

10. I would rather live in a house with the cast of The Real World or Big Brother than have sex with David Letterman...either would be a public spectacle.

9. I would rather be the Octamom's ghost writer than have sex with David Letterman...I'd need a full prescription of Xanax for either, that's for sure.

8. I would rather listen to Obama tell me about his health care plan than have sex with David Letterman....either way I'd probably get a good nap in.

7. I would rather wash the furry animal that Donald Trump wears on his head than have sex with David Letterman...*shudder* I'm rethinking this one - that thing might have rabies. The Chinchilla, not Letterman.

6. I would rather get a Brazilian wax than have sex with David Letterman...except that sex with him would hurt less but both might give me a rash. It's a toss up.

5. I would rather ask Tom Cruise for advice on life than have sex with David Letterman...I'm sure neither would be a very enlightening experience.

4. I would rather have lunch with Kate Moss than have sex with David Letterman...both would leave me with an empty, unfulfilled feeling.

3. I would rather go watch a taping of the Oprah show than have sex with David Letterman....unless he was going to give me one of his cars, first.

2. I would rather have coffee with Kate Gosselin than have sex with David Letterman...unless Dave has coffee available.

1. I would rather have a bowel movement in a window display in downtown LA than have sex with David Letterman....both are just crappy options anyway, right?

And there ya have it! My Top Ten List. Goody Gum Drops.

Feel free to play along:

Iron Chef October!

Welcome back to Blogstyle Iron Chef! We took a couple of months off, but we're back and ready to take on the next secret ingredient.

If you're new here, take a gander and see what the contest is all about. If you're NOT new here, welcome back. :-)

This month we've changed it up a bit and I have a very special co-host. Our co-host has actually WON Blogstyle Iron Chef with her Slow Cooker Roast recipe. (Note to self: put that on the next menu. Mmmm...) So, welcome and thanks to Shelby for co-hosting!

Here's how it works, in general terms: Shelby and I are revealing the secret ingredient today. You post a recipe or find one you've already posted that incorporates the secret ingredient. Leave a comment HERE by next Tuesday with the link to your entry and I will add it to my post. Next Wednesday we'll use Random.org to pick 3 contestants for the month and we will announce those contestants. We'll have a poll in the sidebar for voting as well as voting from guest judges. On the last Wednesday of October we will announce the winner and award the prizes!

Unfortunately, I exhausted my pool of guest judges last time around so I'm in need. If you are interested in guest judging, let me know. All you have to do is agree to try all three dishes and let me know via email which was your favorite. If you want to post your thoughts on your blog, then by ALL means go for it but it certainly isn't necessary.

Now, on to the prizes...no, wait..not quite yet...how about if we reveal the secret ingredient, first?

Oh yeah. We have a special treat for you this time. Our very own Chairman hovering (and is that drool?) to announce the secret ingredient...

Chairman Schweri...do tell...what is our ingredient for October???



That's right folks...PICKLES!!! Dill, sweet, bread and butter, homemade, candied, baby, half sour, fermented, german - it doesn't matter! You pick the pickle!

Let me be clear - you don't have to make a pickle. Nay. No. You have to post a recipe that FEATURES pickles as one of the main ingredients. Things like Pickled Meat Loaf or
Pickled Tortilla Roll-Ups or perhaps you make a killer Fried Pickle? Let's have 'em! Post your Pickle recipes!!

The winner of this competition will win a $10 Gift Card to Target, Walmart or Smith's as well as this LOVELY prize courtesy of Shelby ...



Shelby said: "I decided the prize would be an awesome Pick-a-Deli from Tupperware. I can have it shipped directly to the winner, bonus! How did I finally come up with such a fitting prize? When all of the pickles I hauled out for the picture would not go back in to their respective jars. Had to pull out my trusty 'ol Pick-a-Deli, and the rest is history. :)

So, there ya have it. The contest, the ingredient and the prizes. What are you waiting for?

"Allez! Cuisinez!"

Contestants:

Sarah @ I Blame My Mother with Pickle Rolls
Cheryl @ Spinning Coaster with Fried Pickles

I'm having an affair.

*phew* Confession really IS good for the soul, isn't it? So there ya go - my business is out there. Talk amongst yourselves.

Oh, did you want the juicy details? Ok, fine.

I used to be loyal. I used to be so devoted to my one and only but then my one and only failed me. Things got a little stale and I felt like I was putting way too much out and not getting enough back, in return. The relationship was costing me entirely too much and I had to ask myself, was the cost worth it? The answer is no, the cost was no longer worth it.

I began having an affair, and I have to tell you - I'm completely committed to seeing this affair through. My loyalty has shifted and my devotion has been restored.

Oh, sure - I know. The newness will wear off and the "fun" stage will end. I can only hope that there is some substance to this relationship and we can make it last. I'm sure you'll tell me that the cost won't be worth it, but I will just have to beg to disagree. In my estimation, the cost of this affair will cost MUCH less than my original love.

Only time will tell. I'll continue my affair a few times a week and we'll just see where it leads.

Now that I've confessed, all that's left is to formally say farewell to the one I am cheating on. Out with the old and in with the new. What? Was that too callous? Don't judge me.

So, farewell, love. Goodbye to you. Na-na-na-na hey hey hey, goodbye. I'm kickin you to the curb. You've failed me more times than I can count and the cost is far too much for me to afford any longer.



And Hell-oh to my sweet, delicious new love. I can't wait to see where we end up.





Oh, hey, if you live in Minneapolis-St. Paul then a Sista I know can hook you up with a little taste of my new love.

Friday Freebie!!!

Boo ya!! Welcome to the First Friday in October!



As has become custom, we give something away every Friday. As has ALSO become custom, my friend Mimi does this at HER place the first Friday of the month. Go check her out and see what you can win this time around!

That there? Her name in lights. Click on it and go win something.

Good luck!