Breathless

Sometimes I go days, even weeks, without thinking about him.

Sometimes I am nostalgic and I think about when he was here, and it chokes me up.

Sometimes I have to answer questions about him and I feel defensive.

Sometimes I look at pictures of him and wish he was with me, again.

Sometimes I forget that he's not in my life anymore.

Sometimes, like tonight, I see an interaction somewhere between a brother and a sister and it hits me like a knife slicing into a thick heavy scar, that he is not mine anymore. And I can't breathe. Just for a moment, I hold my breath, and wish that I could hear him laugh and hug him again.

A Sign of Things to Come?

I was making Corban's bed the other day, when I found this hidden under his pillow..



...notice what is INSIDE the view finder?

Is this a sign of things to come?!

(Yes, this is a rerun. I got hit so bad with spam comments last night that the easiest way to get rid of them was to just delete the post and start over. Morons.)

Are you deaf or stupid? And a helpful hint. Yay you!

At the Walmart pharmacy yesterday, standing in the forever line to pick up RXs called in the day before and earlier in the morning. I get to the front of the line and tell the people what I need. She says, "They're working on filling it now - come back in 20 minutes." Fine, whatever. I have 6 kids with me - we'll work it out. 20 Minutes later I've left the 12 year old at McD's with the 3 yo, the 4 yo and ice cream cones. The 10 yo and 8 yo are in the fun room. The 9 mo old is fussing in the cart. I wait for 12 minutes and get to the front of the line. Tell them my name. She says, "We have 1 of your prescriptions but we can't fill the other because we're out. We've ordered more and it will be here on Thursday."

Uhm..what? Did you NOT just tell me you were filling it it and it would be ready in 20 minutes?? WTF happened between then and now??

I say, "That? Will NOT work for me." Then I just stare at her. Because, really? I'm OUT of patience.

She says, "Let me have you talk to the pharmacist and we'll see what he can do."

Why? Is there a super secret allergy eye drop stash somewhere and only irate mothers can have access to it? Do you think you might find some somewhere else in the pharmacy and miraculously fill my prescription? WTH is this pharmacist gonna do? Use a spell and make some on the spot?

I smile and say Thank you.

The pharmacist hands me the RX I've been taking since I was 12 and explains it to me.

Really? I take one a day every day? Are you sure? Good thing you told me that I might have messed it up.

I say, "I have a prescription for Pataday that you can not fill until Thursday. I need the RX transferred to another pharmacy because I can't wait 2 more days for this."

He says, "Well, I can try to get it in tomorrow but I don't know if it'd get here."

Then don't tell me you can get it here tomorrow. Don't set me up like that. Just say I can't get it til Thursday and stick to it.

I say, "He can not wait 2 more days for this prescription. He needed it TODAY."

He says, "Well, I guess you can call around and have it transferred then - or you could wait until Thursday."

Are you deaf or stupid?

That's pretty much how my week's been shaping up - how about yours?

Oh, yeah, and here's a little Helpful Hint from heidi: Don't run down the stairs in flip flops or you will tumble ass over end, after slamming into the wall, to the bottom. It will knock the air out of you and you will have to go to the Dr. Here you will learn that you've broken nothing and caused no lasting damage but have bruised quite a bit and pulled some muscles. But thanks for your $20 co-pay.

Again, You're Welcome.

Letter From Camp

My girls have been away all week at camp. This is Sienna's 3rd year - so it's old hat to her. But it's Cara's first year. And it's her first time being away from me for more than 2 days in a row. I've been nervously anticipating her report when she gets back because she tends to be a bit of a negative nelly. I have a rule for her - she has to tell me 3 positive things before she can start telling me all the bad stuff.

Knowing her like I do, I slipped a card into her bag so she'd find it when she got to camp. I traded out her pillowcase with mine so she could have that comfort. And I started mailing cards and letters and sent a few emails just so she would have that. Now, Sienna NEVER wrote me from camp. Ever. Sienna is the kid that RUNS to the activity and never looks back. She's an "in the moment" kind of kid. So when I got a letter from Cara, I was a bit surprised.

I'm saving this letter to show her when she's a grown up. It's classic Cara. Totally over dramatic. I was laughing reading it, and then I felt sad for her because..well..here, you read it:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The First Day

Dear familly, and friend's,

I took a swimming test. I endid up ulmost drowning. this is how it went down.

I jumped in and tried to swim but it was pulling me under. and I couldnt breeth. Good thing there was wome wone (like a lifeguard), kayaking I climbed on it and took a breath, I lived.

and it got worse Kendra and her cabinmates stole my towel and wouldnt give it back to me :-(

You where wrong
it was a bad
first day

(on back)

Day 2

I retook the test!

and I did classis

but kayaking was full and so I had to do build a computer. :-(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it. The end. She ulmost Drowned! But she took a breath and she lived!!! HA! Classic.

I can't wait to see my girlies when they get home!!!

Oh look, heidi's being judgmental again.

I was standing in line at the grocery store today, when a magazine cover caught my eye.


Really? I'm sure it was rough being beautiful. She lost 10 lbs for the wedding, too. Good thing - she was such a fat cow. Psh.

(Ok, I'm adding this after I wrote the whole post. I just looked at the magazine cover again and apparently she's been ridiculed for being flat chested and called ugly. That's not nice. It had to hurt - and then to be called those things on national TV? That hurts AND is embarassing. But Tortured? Nay Nay. Women in other countries that are routinely mutilated because of their looks and gender - THAT'S tortured.)

This has been a theme I've seen lately. There was a contestant on The Voice that was all "I'm tired of just being the pretty girl." Another show I watched had this girl blubbering about how people gave her more attention because she was beautiful. She got seated at restaurants faster; she received better service; she got free crap. Boo freakin' hoo. We should all have those struggles.

I find the whole "I was just another pretty face" outcry, ridiculous. I think it's just another limb on the tree of vanity. Because if you're not getting enough attention being pretty and you feel like you need to complain about being pretty? Then you really are a sad, sad case.

Have you heard that song by Keri Hilson, Pretty Girl Rock? I hate that song. I really, really hate it. Whenever someone says something asinine like, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Or "Don't hate what you ain't.", I see bright flashes of white lights in my brains.

Sweetheart, I don't hate you because you're beautiful. I hate you because you're a vain, stuck up, vapid piece of filth that relies on her looks far too much. I hate you because you're ugly on the inside.

But seriously? If you have to go around bitching about how gorgeous you are and how you've been treated differently your whole life because of it? Then you need a reality check.

(Wonder if someone will say, "Only ugly girls make posts like this.")