What Happens In Vegas....

...I have no idea how to finish that sentence because I've never BEEN to Vegas. Wait. That's a lie. I went when I was 12. So it doesn't really count, does it? I couldn't drink or play the slots. I went to Wendover when I was 19 pretending to be 21 with a fake ID. That's ALMOST enough...but not quite.

I suppose you'd like me to get to the point? Ok then.

I want to go to Vegas. I want to renew my vows with a super handsome guy that I've been married to for 15 years this June. I want to go meet some fun people I've met via twitter and blogger. And? I really just want a vacation.

Alas, we can not afford one...so I'm seeking corporate sponsorship. Yeah, I'll wear a shirt or hand out samples or, yk, something...no tattoos...that's weird....and forever. But here's what I was thinking...

Dear K-Y -

I know I've posted some less than positive reviews of your K-Y Intense (link to my review. Hilarity ensues.) and K-Y His & Hers (Oh! Look! More hilarity at my expense.) but I need to let you know something rather important.

I've had 5 kids. After having 5 kids I can say with some certainty that sex after childbirth is scarier than a bowel movement after childbirth. And it's never as fun for the woman as it is the man. The sex, not the bowel movement. I have no idea if that's fun for men or not. Uh, I don't really WANT to know, ok?

I digress.

So, after 5 kids I have come to appreciate the help that K-Y has given to my marriage over the years. I've been having kids for 12 years..that's a long time! And in that 12 years I have only ever used 1 brand of lubricant...K-Y. Yes, that's right...K-Y is a part of our first sexual encounter after having kids. It's a dry down there, folks. It's scary and dark and...dry. Desert-like. So, yeah, the K-Y comes in SUPER handy. We continue to use K-Y for many months afterwards. Specifically the K-Y SILK-E.

So here's my thought process.....I've used a lot of K-Y over the years. Dumped in some GOOD money on these products. Maybe K-Y would like to make me a brand SpokesModel? (I was gonna say spokesperson but I think Model makes me sound prettier.) People in Vegas need lube. No, they do. Because everyone knows that when you go to Vegas you get laid. It's not just "hotel sex" it's "VEGAS hotel sex". That's good for more than 1 round thus the need for K-Y. I could be the ambassador! Helping out the people of Vegas and handing out samples of K-Y. Seriously, You just need to cover airfare and hotel. We'll do the rest (yk, meals, shows....drinks...LOL).

So..whadya think, K-Y? Can we talk?

Love,
The desert formerly known as heidi