Helpful Hint From heidi: Locked In

I know, I know - two hints in one week?! What gives?!? Well, I've had an exceedingly "special" week so I have lots to share. Pearls of wisdom. I cast them before you. Because I' know you're not swine.

Today I went to World Market to get my mom a Mother's Day gift. What? Yes I KNOW Mother's Day is Sunday and I still have to mail the gift to her. I get it, I'm a slacker. Whatever. Can I go on?? Thankyouverymuch.

So I finish up at World Market and B is like, I have to pee, Mama! So I said, "Can you hold it until we get to Wendy's to meet daddy?" And the good little boy said yes, if we hurry. We hurry out to the Suburban and I get everyone buckled in. 3 kids, 3 carseats and 1 diaper bag. It's a work out. I hop in to my seat and start up the car. I turn to back out and notice the handle on the baby's carseat is up.

Screw it, I think. I'm just going across the street. But then I think, "Shit. If I get into a wreck and the handle breaks in and impales Keaton then I'll never forgive myself." Reluctantly, I put the Suburban back into park and unbuckle myself. I hit the unlock button and jump out. I shut the door.

You see where this is going, right?

I try to open the back door.

It won't open.

I run around to every other door and try.

They won't open.

I thought I hit the unlock button! Nay, Nay. I hit the LOCK button. My 3 babies are now stuck inside a running car while safely (and quite securely, it turns out) buckled into their car seats.

Oh, and my cellphone is in the diaper bag.

I bang on the windows - because for some reason this seems logical to me.

I call out to my 4 year old, Corban, and tell him to unbuckle. Come on buddy, help mommy out. He can unbuckle the top but not the bottom. I say stand up - wiggle out - you can do it. He says, "Just open the door and do it yourself!"

*sigh*

I try Brennan. He starts crying. "Mommy, open the door! Open the door!"

I can't. So I bang on the windows some more - which I'm sure had a complete calming affect on the boys. (Again - nay, nay.)

A man walks by. Eureka!!! "Sir!" I yell. "Excuse me, sir?! Can I please borrow your cell phone??"

Guess what? He said no and kept walking. (P.S. - Sir? I hope your weinie itches uncontrollably in public for the next week. Jackass.)

A woman walks out of the store and I run over to her, "Ma'am - can I please borrow your cell phone? I'm an idiot and I locked my 3 boys in the car and I need to call my husband. Please!" She lets me. Probably while wondering if she should call CPS on me.

Rob answered the phone and I told him what happened. Know what he did? He laughed at me. Jerk. Then he said he was on his way to rescue me. Not a jerk.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep the already panicked boys calm.

And failing. Apparently all the window banging and shouting freaked them out. Who knew??

Brennan has gone from sobbing to hysterics. "Mommy! Just open the door! Please mommy - open the door!"

Corban is shouting, " ASK ANOTHER MOM FOR A KEY! HURRY UP! I'M RUNNING OUT OF AIR! I CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE! WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF AIR!!" as he's clutching at his chest and throat.

Keaton is giggling.

Rob shows up and the boys want him. Only him. Brennan begs daddy to drive him now, not mommy. Corban wants to ride in daddy's car. Keaton is still oblivious.

I bought them ice cream to eat before their lunch.

The moral of the story? Don't lock your kids in the car, duh.

And forget about Mother of the Year. I've got that title all to myself after today.

Is it wine-o-clock, yet?