Alone

Do you wanna know why the #1 thing Mom's ask to receive for Mother's Day is something they do alone? Because we never get to be alone.

We pee with company - "What's that? You pee out your bagina and I pee from my penis, right mom? Are you pooping? We poop in the potty not our diapers right mom? Your poop is stinky. WOW! Mom! That's a big poop! I bet your poop is big because your butt is so big, right??"

When we shower it rarely is alone. "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?" or "Hey mom, what are you doing? Are you naked? I see your vagina. Your butt is big. What's that? Can I get in? Can I bring spiderman with me?" "Mom, she hit me!" "Mom, she stole my hoody and she threw it out the window!"

We don't sleep alone. We sleep next to our significant other, if we're lucky. But most often there's a chorus of "Mooooom!" through the night and we bounce from bed, to bed, to bed. I hafta tell ya, the last time I bounced beds like this I may have qualified as a slut. Just sayin'.

We are Never Alone. Ever.

Today my peeps left me alone to go work on a project for me at daddy's work. For an hour. Well, alone with Keaton who is 7 months and a teething maniac. Not 3 minutes after they left one of the neighbor girls that pratically lives here showed up. She hung out the whole time my family was gone. Not alone.

So you'll have to forgive us if one day a year we say, "Hey, thanks for celebrating me. I'm so glad I gave birth to you all but really? Today? I just want to be alone for a little bit."

I'd like to finish a meal without trying to hoover it in or giving half of it to little people. I'd like to read more than a paragraph at a time of my book. I'd like to breathe, and drink my coffee before it gets cold and I have to throw it in the microwave.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I do. Really, I do everything for them. So is it so aweful that I just want 2 hours to myself? Is that a crime?? If so then cuff me, run me in.

In fact, I think I'm looney and need to be locked up in a place with a bed and padded walls. Then I could sleep for a whole night without interruption...which brings me to my Christmas Wish....

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