I can't post it because I was wrong. I had to rethink it all. Reevaluate and reexamine and I came to a completely different conclusion than the original post.
So often, as moms, we put what we want on the back burner. How many times do we spend our own "fun money" on something for the kids? Birthday money? Kids get new summer clothes. Christmas money? We pay the electric bill. Gift Card to WalMart? Yay - groceries! Want to go out? Can't - kids need us to stay home. Want to sit and read all day instead of doing chores? Nope - then who will clean the house/fold the laundry/make the food? Every day we do this to ourselves. We milk every bit of ourselves OUT of ourselves until not only is there nothing left, but if there was we wouldn't know how to enjoy it.
Back to my original post. I had Rob read through it first. After all, it was about him for the most part.
His response hurt me.
Not because he was wrong, but because he was right. I'm over here talking about how busy I am and how tired I am and the message I am sending him is that I can't be bothered to spend time with him. Am I tired? Um, yes. Am I all touched out? For sure. He has been super patient the past month as I push him farther and farther away. I'm sitting over here thinking - does he not see how tired I am? How overworked I am? He only thinks of himself! And the message I'm sending him is not a nice one. I'm telling him that I no longer find him attractive or worth the time it takes to be together.
Ouch.
That was not my intention, at all. Have ya'll SEEN my husband? Oh he's such a doll. (And he has a nice ass. Heh.) Plus? He's got all the right moves.
Instead of taking the time to let myself enjoy sex and enjoy making out with my husband - who knows how to make me feel good I think of all the things I "should" be doing, instead. I think of all the things that won't get done if I take 1 hour to spend time with Rob. It's just one more sacrifice that I'm going to make "for the good of the family".
Why do we do that? I know I'm not alone here. Are we getting some sort of medal? Are we in a competition that I am unaware of? Is someone gonna show up at my house with an over sized check because I sacrificed the most of myself? God help me if that ever happens.
Let's do a little Q & A.
Doe sex feel good? Yes!
Is anyone gonna die if I don't get the floor swept after dinner and before bed? No.
Is Rob sexy as hell? Yes.
Does Rob wanna rip my clothes off and take advantage of me? Yes.
Will the laundry be there tomorrow? Yes.
Will I enjoy myself if I can stop making lists long enough to let myself? Yes.
If you answered Yes to 3 of those questions then go have sex with your husband tonight. If you answered yes to questions 3 and 4 then you and I need to have a chat.
The point is this - are you sending an unintentional message to the one you love that he is not worthy or valued enough for you to take ONE HOUR of your time to spend with him? No one is going to commend you for all of your sacrifice when you've sacrificed your entire self.
Also? I'm sorry, Rob. I hate that I made you feel unwanted. I love you, you sexy beast. (Thanks for last night. *wink wink nudge nudge*)
Rob and I on a hot date date in 2009.
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22 comments:
Girl, so are so right no the money. I am going to take your advice.... tonight!
This is a really great post. You're absolutely right and I thank you for putting things into perspective. I never even imagined me not wanting sex would make my hubs feel that way, but it makes total sense.
Thanks for sharing.
Great post Heidi! Thank you for sharing. I think we all need a dose of honesty & perspective. You are awesome. Cynthia
You are so on the money! I don't know why we as women think of sex as another chore. None of my other chores are that fun!
Thank you for going there.
Amen, sister.
www.petiteinsanities.blogspot.com
Guess i'm gonna have to give it up tonight! Great post!
And I hope that didn't sound sarcastic because I wasn't trying to be.
Very well said. Rob you are a lucky man!
Being honest with the universe - the readers of your blog - is one thing. And hard enough. But being honest with yourself? For this, you truly deserve that award. Nice job.
This I could have written from my own experience. I'm going to do just what you suggested!
Hugs & love & bow chicka wowa,
Mimi
Well damn. We're having these same issues and now I feel like shit. Thanks, Heidi.
No, really, thanks. :)
There's gonna be a lot of sex going on around the blog world tonight. Great post.
Rob, my husband thanks you.
So many times we tackle our home lives as though they are a business. All work and no play.
You absolutely need the play...otherwise, what's the point of it all.
It's so cathartic being shown another perspective. Although it may be hurtful at first, I am always grateful when someone points out when I am wrong. It makes me feel as though I am only human and don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Great post :-)
Good label for a really good post - "honest." Loved the honesty in this.
This post is right on every single level of rightness.
So what do you do when you get to the point where you don't even talk about it anymore? Good for you for not letting it get that far!
Thanks to you the hubbs will be getting some tonight!
Heidi, for this post & countless others that I have enjoyed from your blog I HAD to share this award with you:
Versatile Blogger Award
Don't ever stop blogging!
Cynthia
You are my hero. Now if I can just get this broken old body to stay awake long enough to attempt to enjoy it...
Really, I'm crying because I know I do this, not so much because I want to do more stuff, but because I really don't enjoy it. Nope, nothing. I know it's a side effect of meds but I should be able to act better than I do.
I'm going to inform the hubby that after tonight he will be required to send you a thank you card since you are the one who reminded me that men have feelings too, and that my husband is more important than the laundry that I was planning to stare at (I'm convinced that if I stare at it long enough it will either fold itself, or it will disappear)
Excellent post & The Saint have been in the same boat.
I love that you wrote it out.
I love that stopped and had him read the original and the end result was a good talk, great sex and a post that helps more Moms than you could probably imagine.
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