Helpful Hint from heidi

Today I had to go to the doctor. At the doctor, when you're pregnant, they require a urine sample be given. Now, it's not uncommon to tinkle a bit on your hands while trying to aim into this teeny tiny cup, and I'm sure most of you have done that. But I bet none of you have done this:

After I had deposited my urine sample safely into the cup, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe down the cup. Because, yk, gross. As I brought the toilet paper back to wipe the cup I was holding in my left hand do you wanna know what happened? I knocked it with my right hand, causing the ENTIRE contents of the cup to spill all over ... me. My shirt? Wet. My pants? Wet. The floor? Wet. My arms? Wet. My underwear? Soaked. I sat there, shocked for a few minutes as it registered that I was covered in pee. My own pee. And, honey, I'm pregnant so there was A LOT of pee.

I took my pants and underwear off. Threw the cup and toilet paper in the trash. Went to the paper towels and grabbed a stack to start cleaning the bathroom with. I cleaned up the toilet and I washed off my shirt so that it now looked like I was in a wet t-shirt contest. I took my underwear out of my pants and dabbed my jeans off the best I could. Pulled my jeans up and shoved my underwear in my pocket. Then I went and washed my hands and arms with hot water and soap and prepared to go out and face the nursing staff right outside the door, patiently awaiting my urine.

I walked out the door and stood there, staring back and the nurses with my hands on my hips. "There will be no sample, today." She looked quizzically at my wet shirt and asked if I just couldn't go or had forgotten. I said, "No. I'm WEARING your sample." At which point the nurses began to laugh, hysterically at me. No, it's ok - you can laugh too - it's funny.

She put me in the room and laughed while she took my vitals. Then I said - "Eh, this is nothing. When I was pregnant with Corban I stepped on a rake, like in a cartoon? And gave myself a concussion." I thought she was going to pee HERSELF after that.

Where, oh where, is the hint in all of this madness? ALWAYS get a specimen cup with a lid.

You're welcome.

This has been another Helpful Hint from heidi.

Seriously Profane

Have you seen this?



Seriously? What in the WORLD were the parents of these girls thinking?? REALLY?! I don't care if it's a dance competition - there isn't any reason to have your 8-9 year old girls barely dressed and gyrating on stage.

Apparently the parents see nothing wrong with it and think that if other people view it in a sexual context then it's the fault of the person watching. They never intended for the video to go viral or for a large audience to see it - just the dance competition crowd and judges. Oh, well, HA! Then I stand corrected. That sure makes it ok.

One of the mothers said:

“It’s one of the most popular songs probably of the decade, said Presch . “The costumes are designed for movement, unrestricted movement and to show body lines.”

Next time just grab some pasties, tassels and a g-string. Not a big difference.

Yes, this is me being judgmental.

Disgusting.

Smart, Beautiful & You're Worth It

Remember when buying makeup was fun? You would experiment with all sorts of different colors - for your eye shadow, blush, eyeliner, lipstick and even mascara? Now buying make-up is more of a chore. We no longer look for things that shout "FUN! BRILLIANT! BRIGHT!" instead we zero in on makeup that promises to do miraculous things like shrink our pores and minimize our fine lines and wrinkles. The phrase "Anti-Aging" is enough to make us sigh hopefully.

Also gone are the days of buying any old makeup. Remember when we used to grab the .88 eyeliner from Wet n Wild and we could supply all our makeup needs for $10 or less? Not any more, my friends. Now you can hardly get ONE item on your make-up must have list for $10. And we don't really want to be Wet n Wild any more. We want to be Smart, Beautiful and Timeless.

The cost of make-up is ridiculous, but if it can do all that it claims then I suppose we shouldn't complain. Trying to budget it in to an already tight budget takes some trickery and finesse. If you don't buy fresh fruit or vegetables for a whole month, then you can afford new makeup. Mostly.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to email my husband and explain that I went $60 over budget on groceries this week because I hadn't bought new makeup in nearly 2 years. Yeah, I decided to go ahead and keep the fresh fruit & veggies, too. After all - I'm worth it.

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

Or, more accurately...let's talk about the sex of the baby.

Ha!

The majority of people thought girl. Were they right?

Rob and the girls desperately want a girl. Will they get one?

Corbs says BOY BOY BOY! Will his wish come true?


The answer is...

It's a.....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BOY!

Now to find a blasted name....And do NOT say Harry.

Thanks, yo!

Dear Little People That I Adore:

Today is Mother's Day and I'd like to thank you for a few things.

Thank you
....for the all of the kisses, even when I need a towel afterward from all the slobber.
....for the multitude of hugs, even if you are just using me as a human kleenex.
....for sharing your secrets with me, even when they are about the boy you have a crush on.
....for helping me with chores, even when I have to do them again.
....for letting me smell your heads after bath/shower, even if I have to wrestle you (screaming!) into the tub in the first place.
.... for making me laugh, even if you did just say something completely inappropriate.
....for watching your brothers play outside, even though I sometime shave to bribe you with money.
....for showing such kindness to other people, even though it often means volunteering my time or money without asking me.
....for reminding me of what it means to serve others, even though it generally means I get to pick up after you or drive you around.
....for letting me coordinate your outfits from time-to-time, even though you roll your eyes and sigh heavily at me.
....for snuggling with me, even though it sometimes means that I end up with a head butt to the face or a foot in the gut (Boys!).
....for listening to me, even though you act like you're not.
....for letting me love you, even though I'm not allowed to tell you in front of your friends.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Wonderful Man I Married:

Thank you for making me a mama, even though it really hurt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Happy Mother's Day!

A Profane Follow-Up

I don't generally do follow-up posts but this one just seems to merit it. I've been having a number of email conversations with you guys and they've been definitely interesting!

My thoughts on the matter are not concrete. My positions have changed and evolved over the years. Arlene called me out on my contradictory positions as she remembered them and I do have to confess that I used to be completely anti-choice - about nearly everything that contradicted what my moral opinion held true.

Let me lay it out as best I can.

Morally I am opposed to abortion.
Morally I am opposed to same sex marriage.

Legally - I don't think we have any leg to stand on in preventing same sex marriage. They're not doing anything illegal so how to you prevent them for claiming the same rights that are guaranteed to each of us living in the United States of America? No, I GET that you are morally opposed to same sex marriage - I get that you think it's wrong - but how do you LEGALLY justify denying rights to people? Either we all have the same rights, or we don't. And if YOU get to deny rights to a group of people, how long until you're denied a right that you feel you are entitled to? And who gets to decide that you should be denied?

I am vehemently opposed to abortion. I won't go into HOW opposed I am, but I am certainly in the pro-life camp. I think abortion is murder, no matter how you break it down. And that's MY opinion on the matter. I don't want to debate the science of when life begins or the viability of a fetus. I mourned the loss of each of my babies I lost in miscarriage - for me, life begins at conception. So, for me, abortion is murder. Murder is illegal.

Ah, but if murder is illegal then how can I be FOR the death penalty? Isn't the taking of any life considered murder? I go back and forth on the choice thing in regards to abortion. If I am for the death penalty then don’t I have to be for abortion? Because murder is murder no matter how you swing the bat, yk? I can’t be for one and against the other and call myself pro-life. Either taking a life is wrong or it’s not. I don’t think we should get to set guidelines based on what we “think” is right and wrong in regards to taking life. While I wish there was an isolated island somewhere that we could exile all pedophiles to for the rest of their lives – and though I may wish some of them would just expire of natural causes and save the world some heartbreak – I can’t say, without a doubt, that we should kill someone that perpetrates a crime like this. Or any crime, for that matter. I might think they DESERVE to die, but who am I to make that distinction and to unequivocally say that we should end their lives?

The eye for an eye thing doesn't sit well with me because if you're going to take that literally then wouldn't you have to rape every rapist? Embezzle from those that embezzle? Manslaughter someone that committed manslaughter? And murder those that commit murder?
Wouldn't THAT be an eye for an eye?

So, I don't know. I don't have all of the answers other than to say that I know I don't want *MY* choices made by someone else. God gave me the ability and the right to make choices and, for the most part, it's upheld by the laws of the country we live in. If my choices aren't illegal or directly hurting other people than how can people tell me I can't make them? How can I tell people they can't make *THEIR* choices as long as they are following the law and not hurting other people?

I just don't know.

Hypocritical, Irresponsible and Seriously Profane

If you took a poll of 10 random people, all of them would have a different answer to the question: How many kids is too many? My answer varies depending on the day we're having, too. HA!

If you researched it you might find the opinion that having more than 2 kids per family is an Eco-Crime, financially irresponsible, and even wicked & immoral.

Of course, you also might find evidence to the contrary stating that big families are The New Green and an overall good thing.

I'm not entirely sure why a certain portion of the population thinks that if you manage to birth more than 2 kids, especially 5 or more, you must be a complete idiot. The stereotype that people with large families are all on welfare and uneducated is just that: a stereotype. There are plenty of educated, smart women out there with large families. If you've ever seen a large family at work then you MUST know the type of organizational skills it takes to get things done. Multi-tasking. Budgeting. Housekeeping. Meal planning. Scheduling. Homework help. Peace making. All of these things require more than a little bit of brain power!

Extremists (in positions of power!) like to say that after 2-3 kids women should be immediately sterilized or implanted with mandatory long term birth control.

You know what? If you decide to have 1 kid or no kids then I respect that - I think you're missing out but that's your choice and I respect that you know your limits and desires. I may not agree with your principals, reasons or ideals but that's YOUR choice to make. I'd hate for people that feel that way to have 6 or 7 kids that they don't want and can't handle - I would never want to make that something MANDATORY.

Beyond all of these things, the thing that bothers me the most about people like this and this is that these people label themselves as feminists. They are pro-choice and not scared to condemn anyone that isn't. But, really, how pro-choice are you if you want to tell me how many babies I can and cannot have? Then you're only pro-choice if the situation fits your ideals and that doesn't make you any better than the people you decry as being anti-choice. I believe the word that I'm looking for here is Hypocrite.

If you've ever read my husband's blog, then you know we don't practice typical methods of birth control. We have some very definite opinions about certain types of birth control and don't feel comfortable using them. This wasn't a decision we made lightly or lazily. It was one we felt compelled to make after much thoughtful consideration and, yeah, prayer.

I think Christine over at The Bean Blog summed it up well when she said:

"So can we please stop being so damn judgmental? Can we please stop calling parents irresponsible just because their families are different then yours? And can we please look up the word irresponsible in the dictionary so we use it properly? Driving drunk with your kid in the car (or driving drunk period for that matter). Irresponsible. Leaving your 2-year-old home alone all night so you could get high with your friends. Irresponsible. Having five perfectly healthy and happy kids. Not irresponsible."

But I'd like to add to that, if I may:

Telling me that I can't make my own choices for my body and my family while screaming at the top of your lungs about the choices of abortion, same sex marriage rights and the general basic human rights denied to women in other countries? Hypocritical, irresponsible and....

Menu & Recipes

It's been awhile since I participated in Menu Making Monday or posted a Menu, so I thought I'd play along this week. We're trying a whole bunch of new stuff this week (shhh! don't tell Rob!) so here's hoping they all work out!



My menu for 5/2-5/15

Beans in the CP, Fried Potatoes, Spinach
Hawaiian Chicken Kebobs & Rice, Steamed Veggies
Roast, Mashed Potatoes, Carrots, Gravy (Recipe: Roast in CP with Cavenders & 1 can each of beef broth and french onion soup)
Sausage & Penne, Green Beans (Recipe: penne pasta, Spag sauce & sausage)
Chili (except I use my favorite seasoning mix - Chugwater Chili
in place of the seasonings listed and will be using the leftover beans from an earlier dinner)
Garlic Pasta & Salad
Grilled Steak, Asparagus, Cat's Risotto, Cantaloupe (Mother's Day Dinner)
Chicken Packets, Carrots & Celery with Ranch, Mandarin Oranges
Chicken Enchiladas (I'll serve it with Green Sauce, lettuce, olives and cheese for toppings)
Sicilian Casserole, Lettuce Wedges, Bread
Honey Glazed "Dump" Chicken, Egg Noodles, Broccoflower
BBQ Ribs, Coleslaw, Corn on the Cob, Cheesy Hashbrowns
Beef Corndogs, Baby Corn, Fruit
Leftover Festival

Now I'm hungry!

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