Watch out world - mama's grumpy today.

Yeah, I'm grumpy. Seriously grumpy. Do you wanna know why? Well, me too. I don't have a reason except that everything living, breathing and moving is pissing me off. And the first person to say "Love those pregnancy hormones!" gets a swift kick in the keister from me, got it?

Cara spilled syrup on the kitchen floor. And by on I mean ALL FREAKING OVER. She tried to dab at it with a paper towl and I said, "That's not doing anything - get some clorox wipes and clean it up!" So, she did as she was told and spread the syrup from one end of the kitchen floor, to the other. Then she dumped her plate in the sink and got syrup all over the faucet and the wall behind the sink. Come ON!

Brennan just wants to nurse all the damned time and I gotta tell ya? I am not interested. You wanna nurse at naptime or before bed? Giddy up. You wanna walk around attached to my boob all day like a newborn? Get a job.

Sienna lacks a filter between her brain and her mouth. I know, she inherited it from me so I shouldn't be shocked but for crap's SAKE! Can she PLEASE think before she says just whatever pops into her brain?? Oh, and? She broke her damned violin yesterday. The one we rent? Right. Hopefully it won't be too expensive to fix. Oh - and when we, her parents that foot the bill, DARED to be upset that the violin was broken SHE got all indignant and upset like WE were out of line. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Corban just likes to scream and hollar and throw tantrums. I love 3. Have I ever mentioned that? 3 is my favorite age. *cough cough*

Rob, God Bless Him, thinks that if I could just have sex then everything would be all better. YEs, I know in man-land it's a cure-all but over here in the land of estrogen it doesn't quite work that way. What I NEED is a new hair cut, a cute new outfit and a martini, damnit. Then maybe we can talk about sex. Since I can't have a martini for a year or more than I guess it's gonna be a long, quiet period, eh? I kid.

Oh, yeah, forgot to mention I can't have sex. Or exercise. Or do anything overly physical or anything that involves twisting. The Dr said, "Try not to carry your kids, too." And I laughed. Oh, that funny funny lady.

I've been put on modified rest because I have a cyst on my right ovary that's bigger than the baby, yo. I look twice as pregnant as I am because the cysts is so huge and taking up so much room. It's actually squishing the baby to the left side of my uterus. Good news - unless it twists or ruptures we just leave it be. Bad news: if it twists or ruptures we do surgery and there's a good chance I lose the ovary. I had it checked on Monday and it hasn't grown any more - it shrunk a fraction - so we're thinking maybe it will just reabsorb and go away.

My kids have been sick since last week - The Boy had pneumonia and Care Bear and B have an upper respiratory infection. Both of them puked. All three had super high fevers. Last night was the first night I slept, only waking up once with B, in a week. I hate February. It's like this EVERY year. Ridiculous. Bring me spring. Bring me sunshine!

Now, I've finished my bagel and coffee and I must go clean the syrup off the kitchen ... everything. Then I have to resweep and mop the entry way because apparently the rugs and mats are there for decoration ONLY and not to put your wet muddy shoes on. Luckily, when I ran to the store this morning because we ran out of Apple Juice *gasp*, I decided to reward myself with food and I bought a nice big ole salad and some stir fry steak. Lunch is a bright shining beacon on the horizon!

Have a Friday.

Seriously Secret & Profane

Sometimes we all need to blow off some steam. We have something we just NEED to get off of our chests but we can't say it in certain company. You know - people you KNOW read your blog or it's something you just can't say IRL to anyone. Well, say it here, now. Say it under your own name or anonymously. Spill your secret, rant your rant.

Let 'er rip.

Poll: Grapefruit

So - how do you eat your grapefruit?

Cut in half, sprinkled with sugar - with a spoon.
Cut in half, NO sugar, with a spoon.
Peeled, like an orange.
Grapefruit? People actually EAT that stuff?

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

I've been asked to bring back the Seriously Profane and Seriously Secret posts, so tomorrow we'll have a joint edition. Bring your profane and your secrets!

ProFUNdity

I always want to be witty and funny and pithy. Sometimes I want to be profound and meaningful. Oftentimes I fail at both. HA!

Since getting pregnant, B has been telling me that my boob is "tot tot" (hot) when he nurses, so he blows on it to cool it off.

The Boy keeps asking, "Der's a baby in your tummy? How you gonna frow it up?"

We're registering Sis for Jr. High tonight. Not sure when THAT happened.

And that's all I have for you today. See? Fail.

Luckily I read some pretty amazing blogs that have more profound things to share with you.

Things like:

What it's like to live with a child that has Bi-Polar Disease. There's a follow-up post, too, where she answers some questions. Definitely worth reading.

Pretty much everything she says either makes me laugh or touches me. I got to meet her, once. It was like meeting one of my favorite authors. I'm surprised I didn't scream like a girl and throw my panties at her. Recently, she wrote a post about addiction in a loved one that just ripped at my soul. But, truly, you'd do yourself a service to read everything she's written.

Of course, these girls are ALWAYS good for a laugh.

Then there's this post about sacrifice that compelled me to actually think a little.

If you're looking for something a little spiritually deep, then you need to check out Dana. Besides, the girl has mad photo skills.

There ya go - now you have funny and profound to read.

B just came running up to tell me he burped. He's a proud burping little boy, yo.

Carry on & Have a Day!

Poll: Dishes

Say you're doing the dishes, and the dishwasher is full - but you still have a sink full of dishes left. What do you do?

A) Rinse and stack them neatly, to load into the dishwasher after it's done
B) Wash them by hand and get them done
C) Try and shove them in the Dishwasher - just run it twice if you need to

What is your reasoning for the answer you chose?

Scathing Review, For Free Because They Pissed Me Off aka Cost Cutters Sucks

I took the kids to get their hair cut today. Well, all but B - he really has no hair. The boy, though, was looking rather shaggy and the girls haven't had their hair cut since summer so they were due.

The last time I took the girls to get their hair cut, we went to Great Clips. The people that cut Sis and the Boy's hair did a great job, but the gal who cut Care Bear's hair was a nightmare. Now, I've had her cut my hair before and she totally butchered it. I know, I know, so why do I keep letting her do it. Well, I complained the first time - majorly - and got it fixed for free as well as my next hair cut for free. I decided to forgive and chalk it up to a bad day after she messed up my hair, and she cut my hair again - doing it just right this time. Thus, I let her at Care Bear's hair. I ended up taking Care Bear to the Academy of Cosmetology to get it fixed, and they did a WONDERFUL job.

So, we began just getting the kids hair cut at the Academy, because they really do rock! And you can't beat the prices, that's for sure.

The problem with the Academy is that they're only open from 9-5 and on Saturdays. They're closed most days the kids are out of school and we go to church on Saturdays. I tried, today, to get them in but the Academy was closed. We headed to a new hair place, Cost Cutters.

I left without getting all the kids hair cuts done. The woman there was rude and rough. She cut Care Bear's hair wrong and asked her if her parents were divorced. She ripped Sienna's hair out and shoved her head in the direction she wanted it to go. I had her fix Cara's hair and she took another chunk out. Then she says "Ok, get the boy in here." I said, "I think we're done." She said, "What about his hair cut?" I replied, "I think we'll go elsewhere."

Bloody hell! How hard is it to trim up some hair??? And for $12? I mean COME ON! It's kids hairstyles - and BOTH of them just wanted trims - not NEW styles. This woman was ridiculous. She could learn some manners and some chair side skill. Learning how to converse with people would be helpful, too. If cutting kids' hair is beneath her - perhaps she could move to a salon that doesn't cater to FAMILIES.

I took the Boy back to Great Clips in hope that one of our favorite stylists would be there. Thankfully, Jessie was and she was available to cut the Boy's hair. And for $3 less, too.

The moral of the story? Cost Cutters in Bozeman blows. We'll only use our favorite stylists at Great Clips. And we're SO GLAD the Academy of Cosmetology is there to clean up both of their messes.

My Own Seriously Secret

If you didn't guess from my "Things I Suck At" post...I have a secret.

A big one.

Huge.

Well, technically not huge, yet. But he/she will be big enough about September 26th.

We're thrilled! :-) Be thrilled for us.

Gratitude and Giving It All Away

I found this graphic this morning, while searching for something else. It was made by Stephanie Ackerman and I just adore it.

It's hard to be grateful for things sometimes, isn't it? It's hard, when you're sitting in your pile of crap to look up and see the sunshine. But if you try - you'll see the sunshine and feel it's warmth. Your pile of crap will turn into something wonderful that you were overlooking.

I was reading an article last night about a millionaire who just gave it all away. He said that all of his money and possessions were not bringing him the happiness he desired, so he was ridding himself of them. At first I was like, "Woot! Way to go, man!" But after discussing it with Rob, I have a whole different approach.

He's given his fortune away to charities. He's gotten rid of his house, cars and worldly possessions. He is going to go live in a hut. And you know what? He's not going to be happy there, either. Well, I can't say for CERTAIN, but it's my opinion that he won't be. He won't be happy because he hasn't learned what happiness IS. Happiness isn't being rich or poor. It isn't what you have or don't have. Happiness is being able to stand in the middle of your pile of crap and feel the sunshine. If you can't be grateful in spite of your circumstances, then you will always be bitter and angry. If you can't see beyond your own pain enough to find the good then you will forever be shrouded in dark, gloomy clouds.

Happiness isn't something that you can buy or that you can get by giving it all away. Happiness is what you find when you're thankful for what you have and who you are.

You can have much or you can have little but you will not have happiness until you are grateful for whatever life brings you.

May you find your gratitude today.

Things I Suck At

Email. I mean, really, it shouldn't be that hard, right? You get an email you shoot off a response. MUCH easier that the ole snail mail method. Alas, I can't get it together to save my life and have left many a conversation just dangling, awaiting my response. I have the best of intentions but good intentions won't buy a thing, eh?

The CIO Method. I've NEVER been able to do it, with any of my kids. Oh, I try - I get tired of rocking for hours or the wrestling match that is involved in getting them down - so I try to have them CIO. And I fail EVERY time. I just can't do it. I'm a fixer. I fix things and if my baby is upset and I can fix it then, by golly, I'm gonna!

Moderation. Moder-who?

Weaning. I hate telling them they can't have something that is good for them and gives them such comfort. Luckily they've all weaned pretty easily before they were two or I'd be heading to school at lunch to give them a fix.

Keeping My Own Secrets. Yours? Easy peasy - they're in the vault. My own? I'm BURSTING to tell you all about them!

Not Holding A Grudge. Grudges have such nifty little handles that make them easy to hold on to, ya know? It's hard to let go of something that holds your hand so tightly while you hold on to it.

Keeping My Opinion To Myself. Well, if YOUR opinion were as good as mine, wouldn't you be bursting to impart your wisdom on everyone, too?! I surely can't be faulted for this.

Consistency. Oh, I stand corrected. I am consistently inconsistent. Yay me! We'll consider this a victory.

Oooh! Let's end on THAT positive note! :-)

Have a day.

Iron Chef!

Remember that little blog thing I did with Iron Chef stuff? Well, my friend Cheryl graciously took it over and is hosting her own version over at her place. We have until Wednesday Night to post a recipe that involves this lovely little ingredient:

Here's my entry:

Apple Crisp

3 cups sliced peeled apples
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup light brown sugar, packed
1 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
5 tablespoons butter, room temperature

Combine apples, granulated sugar, lemon juice, and salt; turn into a shallow, buttered 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Combine brown sugar, oats, and flour. cut in butter. Spoon over apple mixture. Bake at 325° for 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until topping is crispy and fruit is tender.

That's it! Yummy AND easy!

Don't YOU have an apple recipe you can share, too?!

Dear Pastor Jim:

Hi Pastor Jim. I wanted to talk with you about your sermon last Sabbath. I appreciated the sermon and the general gist of it. I found it very insightful and interesting. However, I need to take issue with you on one minor thing and maybe seek your guidance. You see, Sis was listening to your sermon, as well. She is quite a precocious 10 year old and seems to have misunderstood the point you were trying to make.

I was asking my family for help in straightening up before company arrived. I was busily delegating tasks with the admonition that the sooner they completed their task, the sooner they could go play (Rob included!). Little Miss Sis pipes up from the back seat, “Mom, Pastor Jim said that it’s the wife and mom’s job to clean the house. You’re the wife and mom so YOU need to clean the house, not us.”

Well. If you know me at all you know I responded less than favorably to this “opinion”.

Don’t worry, I set her on the straight and narrow. I told her that if that were true, then it was MY job to make sure SHE was being raised up to be the Godly wife and mother that Pastor Jim was talking about, so she could do an EXTRA chore just to get her a head start on that journey.

I know that she was grateful for your sermon last Sabbath and for the knowledge it imparted on her. Perhaps maybe your next message could be on the taming of the tongue?

Yours Truly,

heidi

*wink*

I have no title for this post but it's funny so I'm posting it anyway. So there.

Sis is 10, nearly 11, and she knows pretty much all there is to know in the world and isn't shy about letting me know. I never really knew I was so stupid until she was around to make sure I knew what a moron I really was on a regular basis. Oh, I know, those of you with older children are laughing and saying, "Just you wait! It only gets worse!" To you people I say - SHUT IT.

Listen, today the girls were fighting over a particular seat in the van. Back and forth and back and forth and she sat there last and it's my turn and screaming and blah blah blah. The boy smacks himself on the forehead and says, "Not again!" and I pretend they no longer exist. But they just keep going until I can't help but say, "Do you two know you're fighting over a SEAT. That's a pretty stupid thing to fight about, isn't it?" My 8 year old yells through her sobbing, "No it's not, Mo-om!" and Sis...oh that rascally sis....

She sighs and gets a snotty tone in her voice when she says, "Oh, so you think that Rosa Parks was stupid, huh??!!"

Ay yi yi!

You Tell Me

Happiness is.....

And the Darwin Award Goes to....Me!

This is the current condition on my left shin:



Did I get this injury by:

a) Running up the stairs, missing the step and scraping my leg
b) Stepping on a toy that came up and smacked me in the shin then scraped it's way down as I jumped to get away
c) Scratching my leg with my other foot while wearing a sock, thus rubbing the skin off of my leg
d) Going out to start the car in flip flops while it's covered in snow and ice and falling down, scraping my leg on the crusty snow bank

If you guessed C then you are the WINNER!

Clearly, *I* am not a winner. I rubbed the skin off my leg with my own foot and didn't even notice. Now that, my friends, is a special kind of stupid.

All hail the chief!

Have a Tuesday.

I always feel like..somebody's watchin' me...

I really feel that God put us here, in this particular apartment at this particular time, for a reason. Sometimes I lose sight of that, though, and focus on the things the drive me batty about living here. I always wanted to be 'that' house. You know, the house all the kids hung out at? To be the mom that all the kids liked and wanted to be around. Well, we are that house however small it is. There are kids over here every day at all hours. Luckily Rob believes the same way I do and indulges me.

We live in a poorer neighborhood so a lot of the kids here are from single parent homes. Those parents have to work and child care is expensive. A lot of the kids become latch-key kids at an early age. Two of the families in the neighborhood send their kids over before and after school and I charge them a severely discounted rate. Kids from other families in the neighborhood just come over to hang out, have a snack and do their homework.

It's funny, because I'm fairly strict - no playing until homework is done. And if you lie to me about not having homework then you can't come over the next day, or in the instance of a couple of the kids, they have to do a penalty chore when they come over. The kids know this and they're fine with it. At 3 o'clock I set out snacks for the first wave of kids that walk home at 3:30. At 4 o'clock, I refill the plate for the next wave of kids.

My house is loud. There are kids of various ages running up and down the stairs and in and out of the doors at all times. Most of the time I love it. I really just want our home to be a safe place for these kids to be. A place they know they can always come to and be accepted, but they have to understand that we have expectations and rules.

One little girl that comes over is a particular challenge for me. She lies incessantly. She is an indulged only child whose mother has no time for her. She is here every week day and generally on the weekends in some capacity, too. Lately, she has been pushes the limits of our patience and it's shown. I snip at her and become easily irritated at her. I've had to institute a punishment for her lying. She's just that kid, in general, that you want to go home, ya know?

The girls are picking up on our bad attitude and they've been exhibiting it to this little girl, as well. This weekend Rob and I had a chat and I've been praying for God to soften my heart toward this child. She is, after all, just a child.

I forgot, though, why we do this. Why we feel like God put us where He did, when He did. Until this morning.

This morning as we were getting them ready to leave for school, we were getting ready to pray as we always do. This little girl has asked to be included in the prayers so I lay a hand on her head and pray for her as well each morning. Today she told me that last night she was praying in her bad at home. She said she's been praying at home, alone, because her mom and her boyfriend don't like it.

I was humbled.

She IS getting something from us. She IS watching us. She IS picking up on the things we do and say here. We ARE having an impact. I can only hope that God will continue to work with her and on me - to make me more aware of how I am treating her and teaching those around me to treat her.

Of course, she DID pray to be healthy and powerful so who knows what she's got up her sleeve.

*wink*