A Helpful Painful Hint from heidi

Listen, I really do try to be helpful to you guys. I do. I make all these bad judgment calls and idiotic mistakes and then I blog about them in the hopes that you, my friends, will not have to repeat them. So this is ALL for you. Every time. You're welcome.

While you are walking to and from the van (car, truck, WHATEVER) to bring the groceries in, (oh! Side hint! Do NOT take 5 kids grocery shopping with you while you have a migraine blooming! A Twofer!), please be careful where and how you are walking. Cutting across the corner of the yard to the driveway instead of just following the sidewalk out could lead to injury.

How? Well, if you were to cut across the small patch of yard that has been trampled down into a small pit of sorts you may just not lift your foot high enough to clear the lip of the asphalt of the driveway.

And if THAT happens that your flip flop will catch on the lip of the asphalt and your forward motion and lack of balance will propel you rather quickly (an none too gracefully!) to the ground. You might try to break your fall because, like me, you're 30 weeks pregnant and don't want to smash the kid. In your effort to break your fall you will hurt yourself in the following ways, landing yourself in the hospital for hours and hours:

Left knee - swollen, scraped, missing skin. Limping.
Right hand - scraped, road rash, pulled muscle and my wrist & forearm hurt.
Left hand - sore from hitting the ground.
Right knee - scraped and sore.
Chin - scraped & we're waiting to see if it'll bruise.
Baby - all's well as confirmed by 4 consecutive hours of monitoring and an Ultrasound. No scrapes on the belly skin surface, either.
Muscles pulled - back, groin and stomach from trying to maneuver around and not land on the baby.
Pride - who has any pride left?! I fell in front of all the neighbor kids and was bawling like a baby. When I got home nearly 6 hours later they were all waiting outside to see if I was ok and if they baby was ok so I'll still keep em.

I think I'd rather just spill pee on myself again, quite frankly.

Another in a long line of Helpful Hints from heidi. Someday I should write a book. I'll call it "The Idiots Guide to Making it Through Alive".