Today I had to go to the doctor. At the doctor, when you're pregnant, they require a urine sample be given. Now, it's not uncommon to tinkle a bit on your hands while trying to aim into this teeny tiny cup, and I'm sure most of you have done that. But I bet none of you have done this:
After I had deposited my urine sample safely into the cup, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe down the cup. Because, yk, gross. As I brought the toilet paper back to wipe the cup I was holding in my left hand do you wanna know what happened? I knocked it with my right hand, causing the ENTIRE contents of the cup to spill all over ... me. My shirt? Wet. My pants? Wet. The floor? Wet. My arms? Wet. My underwear? Soaked. I sat there, shocked for a few minutes as it registered that I was covered in pee. My own pee. And, honey, I'm pregnant so there was A LOT of pee.
I took my pants and underwear off. Threw the cup and toilet paper in the trash. Went to the paper towels and grabbed a stack to start cleaning the bathroom with. I cleaned up the toilet and I washed off my shirt so that it now looked like I was in a wet t-shirt contest. I took my underwear out of my pants and dabbed my jeans off the best I could. Pulled my jeans up and shoved my underwear in my pocket. Then I went and washed my hands and arms with hot water and soap and prepared to go out and face the nursing staff right outside the door, patiently awaiting my urine.
I walked out the door and stood there, staring back and the nurses with my hands on my hips. "There will be no sample, today." She looked quizzically at my wet shirt and asked if I just couldn't go or had forgotten. I said, "No. I'm WEARING your sample." At which point the nurses began to laugh, hysterically at me. No, it's ok - you can laugh too - it's funny.
She put me in the room and laughed while she took my vitals. Then I said - "Eh, this is nothing. When I was pregnant with Corban I stepped on a rake, like in a cartoon? And gave myself a concussion." I thought she was going to pee HERSELF after that.
Where, oh where, is the hint in all of this madness? ALWAYS get a specimen cup with a lid.
You're welcome.
This has been another Helpful Hint from heidi.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
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42 comments:
HAHAHA!! Too funny. Sounds like something I might do.
At least you have a sense of humor about it :)
Lol that is too funny. I hated having to pee in a cup when I was pregnant!
Laughing with you! That's a great story...the rake though...that's even better! I totally knwo what you mean about being able to "aim and fire" at that tiny cup. Come on people...can't you just give me one of those things that hangs from the lid like they have in the hospital rooms? Geez...I weighed 200lbs at my final doctor appointment and had to pee. Not pretty. Not at all. ;)
Too funny...but I swear I am laughing with you, not at you! That was always one of my biggest worries when I went in for prenatal checkups...that and how much weight I had gained! Thanks for making me smile this afternoon:)
OK - I seriously worry about doing that every single time I have to give a sample (which is now every two weeks!). Let's hope you spilled it bad enough for all of us so now it won't happen to me!
That is halarious!!! Oh my goodness, I thought you were going to walk out naked for a minute!
Oh, hopefully you didn't have too many stops on your way home...eek!
I will keep that in mind:-)
O.M.W. Girl, I have been worried before about fumbling the cup and spilling... but never thought that I might spill it all over myself. I'm always worried I'll drop it on the floor. LOL!
having.trouble.breathing!!!
Oh my goodness, that is the funniest thing I have heard all week!!
If it were possible to love you MORE.....I do at this moment.
That is PRICELESS!!!
(and that's so funny, because I always wipe off the outside of the cup too! ROFL!!)
I was laughing before you said it was OK to laugh. :oD
I did the rake thing too. What else can you do but laugh?!
Hope baby and you are doing well.
Oh man, That bites! At least she laughed instead of looking at you with superiority:O)lol! You can make anything funny! I love u!
Oh, holy crap lady...that is not fun at all. But I did laugh a little. At least you gave the nurses a good giggle for the day!
Better luck next time my friend!
lol...that is too funny.
I hope it doesn't happen to me.
Oh and I always wipe the cup too. Go figure.
You shoulda made a video. But, then again no one would believe anyone can be that clumbsy, except of course, like me.
Hahaha!!!! Bless your heart! That is too funny. It sounds soooo much like something that would happen to me. Are you sure we aren't related? ;-)
Another helpful hint: Always carry a spare change of clothes in your car. You just never know...lol
Oh man! You should write a book. You are so funny. You always make the best out of every situation.
You poor thing. I think I would be just about in tears! I would so not want to leave that bathroom...EVER! Thank goodness the nurse was nice about the whole thing...even if she did laugh.
I will...ALWAYS...get a lid in the future! yk, because now if I ever have to do that again, I will be freaked about pulling a "Heidi"!!
I was always terrified that I was going to do that!! I can't believe I now actually *know* someone who did! :)
I laughed so hard I peed my own pants a little!
I am laughing...cautiously....as this is my big fear. I HATE the peeing in the cup routine...especially when the belly grows so big that the logistics of just reaching the pee is next to impossible...
Oh...and at my midwife, you pee into a dixie cup...talk about asking for trouble!!
Oh my gosh, that is soooo funny! I love that you can make fun of yourself. I would have probably cried - lol!
XOXO
Jen
Well, I can say that I never did that with either pregnancy, but hey you're up on me by 3 so I'm sure I'm due for that to happen..if I ever am in the situation again! Ha!
Oh Heidi, I literally laughed out loud and I had to explain to my husband and daughter. LOL You poor thing! That SO sounds like something I'd do. (((hugs)))
No offense, but I think I would have opted for the rake/concussion. I can't even imagine how you endured the appointment and drive back home! This is all kinds of awesome...for me. At least you got an awesome blog post out of the deal!!
Oh man. I can't ever get out of there without a little pee on my hands/wrists, but I've never managed to do that. My biggest fear is always dropping it on accident or overfilling it. The doctor's precious pee...and my ob doesn't even USE specimen cups. They use Dixie cups, like, little bathroom Dixie cups you use to rinse your mouth out with. It's obnoxious.
Wow. I spilled mine all over the floor and my shoes, but I managed to spare my outfit. You win. ...Well you would have won, except I just read your post and peed my pants. And I'm not even pregnant any more.
Sorry for the mishap but I wanted to say thank you for the laugh. If it's of any comfort, I once tried to hand over a sperm sample to a receptionist at the Geriatrics ward thinking it was the IVF unit.
sorry, but I'm laughing my butt off! I've had 4 kids, been through all the awkwardness. Didn't quite pull that off, but I'm sure I've done other awkward stuff, if I thought hard about it..
eek!
I probably would have cried and went home without saying anything and they would have thought I was psycho...
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Umm....I mean, you poor thing!
This is my worst fear come true, Heidi. Each and every time I am at the doctor's I silently pray, please don't let me spill the pee. Dear God, please don't let me spill.
But you spilled and lived to tell the tale.
Still, I am glad it was you and not me.
-Francesca
PS: Know that I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday & will be thinking of you while peeing.
I am not laughing, I am not laughing, I am laughing!!!
Oh my. I can relate to peeing-in-the-specimin cup woes. During my last pregnancy I had to take mny daughter to go potty at one of my last visits. She asked what I was planning to do with the cup, and I explained the whole thing. Then I used both sanitary wipes, and completely forgot to use it. I finished, flushed and washed my hands, and then she asked when I was coing to use the cup. I just stared at her. Then I commenced to have a similar there-will-be-no-specimin-today conversation. LOL
Neat blog, btw. :)
I always come to your blog when I need a laugh. Thank you for not disappointing. If it makes you feel better, I might have peed myself a little just reading this.
Oh my gosh, I'm laughing so hard! I'm sure the nurses go home with some great stories when you go to the doctor! Hehe!
Thank you for a very much needed laugh!
Thinking about you and praying for you. Miss you, hope all is well.
That is something I would have done...not pregnant!
Better days are soon to come!
Wait...this is from May 19. you haven't been around either. I feel better.
A concussion. Only you Heidi. Sorry I have been MIA. Life is crazy. Sorry that you peed yourself, but only you could stand there and face the nurses as graceful as you did. I'll be the ride home was sweet. :)
Oh no way!
Would you PLEASE, for the love of all that is high-carb, link up to True Story Tuesday sometime? Because you ROCK these kind of stories. And I thought *I* was the only person that did these things??! :)
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