Dear Neighbor Kids,

I love that you all hang out at my house, I do. Really, really, really. But unless you start leaving me substantial tips I'm not cleaning up after you any longer. You are ALL old enough to pick up your own crap. I don't care that at your house your mom does it for you - I'm obviously NOT your mom and I am not going to do it for you. If you can't pick up after yourselves then, yk what? Go home.

While we're discussing trashed houses and yards, let's talk about how clean my house is, ok? Of course your house is cleaner than mine. There are 2, maybe 3 of you total living in your residence. There are six of us including the entire neighborhood of kids filtering through here. And you're all slobs. I sweep and vacuum at least twice a day. I pick up the downstairs and play areas probably 3-4 times a day. I have to clean the downstairs bathroom everytime I use it because you guys have no idea how to pee IN the toilet put the towel back on the rack and clean your grubby handprints from things. Also, memo to whoever wipes their boogers on the wall? I will find you and you will be forced to lick them off if this keeps up. *gag*

The other day? When I made you all do chores because I was tired of doing it all myself? That's going to become the new norm around here. I've decided if you're here enough to make the messes and eat all my damned food, then you're here enough to get a chore. In fact, I'm making a chore jar especially for you all today.

Oh, let's talk about the food, shall we? I don't mind feeding ya'll a snack or two. Or if you're here for a meal I don't mind serving you up a plate - I'm happy to do it! But this ain't no restaurant and my name ain't Flo. You eat what we eat and you don't waste it. We don't snack all day long and we eat these interesting things called fruits and veggies so get used to it. I'll also be implementing a new policy: I'm writing your name on every snack you take outside. That way when I find the wrapper in the yard I don't have to listen to everyone deny it's theirs and see white flashing lights in my brain from all the lies. I can just call you out and make you accountable. It'll be fun!

Like I said, I love that you all play over here - but when there are four of my own plus the 3-11 of you at any given time? I need some help from you guys.

Oh! Also? To the parent that came to my door and said, 'Oh! You cleaned!' - Bite me. I clean EVERY DAY. Ev-ery day. More than once. Your house is neat because you make your kids do chores before school and then they stay at my house after school. Don't come to my house and insult me. Go home. Stay there. I don't want to be friends with you. Patooey.

See you all after school, I'm making Coconut cookies!

heidi

P.S. Quit breaking crap, ok? It's staring to really tick me off.