I always feel like..somebody's watchin' me...

I really feel that God put us here, in this particular apartment at this particular time, for a reason. Sometimes I lose sight of that, though, and focus on the things the drive me batty about living here. I always wanted to be 'that' house. You know, the house all the kids hung out at? To be the mom that all the kids liked and wanted to be around. Well, we are that house however small it is. There are kids over here every day at all hours. Luckily Rob believes the same way I do and indulges me.

We live in a poorer neighborhood so a lot of the kids here are from single parent homes. Those parents have to work and child care is expensive. A lot of the kids become latch-key kids at an early age. Two of the families in the neighborhood send their kids over before and after school and I charge them a severely discounted rate. Kids from other families in the neighborhood just come over to hang out, have a snack and do their homework.

It's funny, because I'm fairly strict - no playing until homework is done. And if you lie to me about not having homework then you can't come over the next day, or in the instance of a couple of the kids, they have to do a penalty chore when they come over. The kids know this and they're fine with it. At 3 o'clock I set out snacks for the first wave of kids that walk home at 3:30. At 4 o'clock, I refill the plate for the next wave of kids.

My house is loud. There are kids of various ages running up and down the stairs and in and out of the doors at all times. Most of the time I love it. I really just want our home to be a safe place for these kids to be. A place they know they can always come to and be accepted, but they have to understand that we have expectations and rules.

One little girl that comes over is a particular challenge for me. She lies incessantly. She is an indulged only child whose mother has no time for her. She is here every week day and generally on the weekends in some capacity, too. Lately, she has been pushes the limits of our patience and it's shown. I snip at her and become easily irritated at her. I've had to institute a punishment for her lying. She's just that kid, in general, that you want to go home, ya know?

The girls are picking up on our bad attitude and they've been exhibiting it to this little girl, as well. This weekend Rob and I had a chat and I've been praying for God to soften my heart toward this child. She is, after all, just a child.

I forgot, though, why we do this. Why we feel like God put us where He did, when He did. Until this morning.

This morning as we were getting them ready to leave for school, we were getting ready to pray as we always do. This little girl has asked to be included in the prayers so I lay a hand on her head and pray for her as well each morning. Today she told me that last night she was praying in her bad at home. She said she's been praying at home, alone, because her mom and her boyfriend don't like it.

I was humbled.

She IS getting something from us. She IS watching us. She IS picking up on the things we do and say here. We ARE having an impact. I can only hope that God will continue to work with her and on me - to make me more aware of how I am treating her and teaching those around me to treat her.

Of course, she DID pray to be healthy and powerful so who knows what she's got up her sleeve.

*wink*