Warning: Contents Under Pressure May Explode

So, I mentioned I had a horrible root canal the other day, right? Well, it's been painful and horrible and terrible *whine*. I'm STILL in pain! My tooth throbs, my face and sinuses throb, my jaw still doesn't open all the way - it's a mess. And? I'm on these antibiotics that give me heartburn.

True story: When the pharmacist gave me the drugs she said, about the Vicodin, "This can cause constipation so be mindful of that." Then she was instructing me on the antibiotics and she stressed, "This can cause SEVERE diarrhea so please stay hydrated and make sure you call your doctor if you have a lot of distress." I looked at her, in pain, and said, "So do the two balance each other out and I can count on a week of normal bowel movements?"

What? Like YOU'VE never thought of that?? Please.

Anyway. So I'm still in pain but trying to NOT take the Vicodin because it's like candy. Yummy, but bad for you. I've also got one more day left on the antibiotics that give me heartburn and I was really hoping I could be out of pain by now, but I'm not. *whine*

Since I've stopped taking the candy Vicodin unless the pain is unbearable, the antibiotics have had nothing impeding their gastro-intestinal side effects.

Today I was shopping with Sienna - BIG shopping not just, "Oh I need some milk and eggs and let's pick up something horribly fattening to snack on while we're here." but big ole grocery shopping. We get all the way through it when I feel something.

Oh, yeah. I felt a rumble in my tummy...only lower. And I knew it was time to head to the back of the store where the bathroom is located. I literally ran jogged to the area where the restrooms are located and I was PRAYING that God would hold my bowels tight until I got to my destination. I was totally doing rectal kegals. SQUEEZE!


Got in the bathroom, sat down (Uh, hello? Who thinks about toilet seat germs when you're afraid your insides are going to fall out??) and I SWEAR to you that my bowels vomited. It was violent. And I felt so much better - you know, after the cold sweat and dizziness passed. But it was momentary because then? The smell hit and I began a new prayer - "Oh, dear Lord - please don't let anyone come in here right now. PLEASE!"

Ask and it shall be given unto you.

Thankfully.

So, the lesson here, kiddies - ass vomit is violent and disgusting but hilarious.

And you should really take those antibiotic diarrheal warnings seriously and carry a spare pair of undies with you while you are under their influence.

You're welcome.