Christmas Cards from the Edge

Dear person whose name I can not mention because it'll get me fired:

You are an insufferable jerk. Your constant need to berate and degrade those that work under you is both contemptible and laughable. The way you treat the whole team of us is unethical and immature. Your insinuations and outright degradations only signify that you lack the talent, experience and intelligence to do your job correctly. You , sir, are a joke. You are obviously trying to overcompensate for some shortcomings - both physical *cough cough* and mental.

I refuse to answer your emails any longer. If this gets me fired, then so be it. Every time I see a message from you I need a xanax just to open it. You are a small, small man and the air around you rots in your presence. Birds drop dead in mid-flight from the evil that emanates from your aura. Snakes slither away in fear. Babies cry when they sense your presence. Small children cower.

It is my sincerest wish that, for Christmas this year, someone leaves a huge steaming pile of human feces on your doorstep and eggs your house with eggs that have sat rotting for months. And that they stick fish under the backseats of your car to rot. May you get incurable jock itch and hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.

You make me sick.