Oh come on. We all have one. Men, women - all of us. Some of them are bigger than others, some of them take ore work to get to - but we ALL have a G spot.
I'm referring, of course, to the spot in your life that makes you feel guilty.
Pervs.
I have been feeling a tremendous amount of guilt, lately. It's consuming me and just...making me bitter, damnit.
Why do I feel guilty? Well, for working instead of focusing more on my kids, duh. It's the age-old struggle, right? I have to work to pay for the kids but I want to stay home to be with the kids. What? Wait...I work from HOME? SO, then, what the hell is my problem, eh? I've got the best of both worlds! Time to suck it up, puton big girl undies and knock it off, right?
Bite me.
Sure, I work from home. I bet you have a romanticized view of what that means, dontcha? You think I can work when I want and attend all the girls' school functions. Bet you think I can run the boys to story time and the libery or the park or even just get down and play with them and then do my work during their naptime, eh?
Not so much. My job is one with finite shifts and hours that I HAVE to log in for. I don't get to say, 'Eh, I'll work more tonight to make up for missing this shift." No...I work when I'm scheduled or I don't have a job. So what happens is that my kids run amok in the house while I'm working these shifts and I get incredibly annoyed and irritated at the distractions and interruptions while I'm trying to focus.
My hours were cut in half this past week. At first I was LIVID. Oh, man...I was so freakin' mad that I got lippy and mouthy and got myself written up, yes I did. Because I'm a big fat donkey. Hee Haw. Then this week rolled around and yk what? I ENJOYED only working 20 hours. I got to play with the boys and take the kids to the park. I didn't have to try and fit Dr.'s appointments into strange slots and Sienna said, "Mom, you've been a lot nicer this week than you usually are."
Ouch.
My job stresses me out. This client that runs me repeatedly into a brick wall, head first, is killing me.
But I have to work. We have to be a two income family for this all to work out. ANd yk what? We don't even have fun little extras we can cut out (like cable?) to try and make it on one income - because we already cut those things out.
Yeah, I'm whining. So what?! I feel guilty for not paying enough attention to my boys. For not doing the things with them that I did with the girls when THEY were little. I feel guilty for being irritable and snappy. I feel guilty for not making school functions, even though Rob goes in my place. I feel guilty for too many things to list. But if I didn't work I'd feel guilty for Rob having to work two jobs just so I didn't have to. He'd kill himself so I could stay home and that just isn't fair, either.
I don't have a moral. There's no uplifting end to my tale of woe. I'm not looking for hugs (remember? no touching.) or anything. I'm just spewing my verbal vomit and whining.
I don't want to work anymore. *stomps feet*
Where's your G Spot?
- heidi
- Montana, United States
- I'm a wife and mom of 5. I work part time from my home while I babysit various neighborhood kids in addition to all the full time duties of staying at home. Yay me. Where's my medal?
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21 comments:
Ugh, that totally sucks. I'm so sorry that you're in that position. And that they don't let you work the hours that you want when you can. That TOTALLY sucks. Whoever you work for just really has no heart. Either that, or it really does need to be on certain hours and I have no idea what I'm saying. But either way, it does suck.
I wish I had some solution. I don't. But I can listen and say that I really am so sorry.
I've felt really guilty lately about the fact that Saylor watches a lot of TV. That's all she wants to do! She woke up at 4 am to potty, and wanted to watch TV. Um, no. So today, I tried to limit it, in my sly ways. And even when it was on, I got down on the floor and played toys with her. And put the blocks beside me when I was too tired.
I feel really guilty that I don't do more educational outings with Saylor while I have the perfect opportunity. I've been working up the will to make a commitment to take her to story time at the library, the park, and any other educational and interactive thing I can.
Gosh darn it!
I totally relate! I have to work, but my heart would rather be taking care of my home and my family. I hope that your situation gets better for you and your family.
I always feel guilty for not having a yard for my dogs to play in. And for them having to be in such a small home when really they are big enough to want to just run free.
Ok, now I am going to put on my been-there, done-that advice hat. Try this. Just give it a shot, and see if it works for you the way it has been working for me. Find one thing - just ONE thing - that you can choose joy in each and every day for 40 days. There is something about that number that seems to work. It did for Noah, yk? Anywho. Give it a shot, and see if it changes your perspective. I promise your circumstances won't change, and they will still suck. But the way you look at things will be different, and somehow, things become more tolerable.
These verses came to mind...
Colossians 3:1-4
1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
Praying for you...
Yeah, me either. I'd way rather be independently wealthy.
But, really, it all works out. If nothing else, you're teaching your kids how to be responsible - actions speak louder than words.
But, just for fun, I'll add to your guilt. Working mothers have fatter kids: http://www.chicagotribune.com/health/chi-talk-working-moms-fat-kidssep30,0,5572121.column
I don't blame you. I have no idea how you do it. I don't work at all and carry that same guilt! You just can't win.
I don't think I could work from home. I wouldn't be able to concentrate with two kids running around. I feel guilty for working every day of my life, but I'm a single mom and if I don't work...we don't eat!
So, as soon as I start to feel guilty I give myself a little pep talk and remind myself that I have no choice and that when my kids are older they will be grateful that I worked my ass off to give them what they need and some of what they want ;)
I don't work and I still feel guilty about not doing enough with my kids. It drives me nuts that I can go and volunteer and help out at Jack's school because I always have a 2 year old and 1 year old chained to my leg. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with my kids and yell at them. I'm just pissed that guilt exists too.
I don't work and I still feel guilty about not doing enough with my kids. It drives me nuts that I can go and volunteer and help out at Jack's school because I always have a 2 year old and 1 year old chained to my leg. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with my kids and yell at them. I'm just pissed that guilt exists too.
One word:
blogging
That sucks! Sorry!
I have the privilege of being a SAHM but I still have guilt for not doing all that I think a good Mom and WIfe should do. It's a curse that I believe comes wrap up in the same package as a vagina! Man to have a penis just for a little while!
keep muddling through girl!
this is an age old battle that I don't think can or will be won. We always want what we don't have.
My G-spot is my house. They are soooooooo many home improvement project that NEED to be done around here before our house sinks into the swamp that it is built on. However, because I am a SAHM, we don't have the money to do it:-(
My G spot is just developing, hehe...I am newly expecting our first child (7 1/2 weeks now) and am already feeling the guilt about having to return to work (outside of the home) after the baby is born. I'm loving that I'll have 10 weeks to spend with the baby, but loathing the return to work and already being eaten alive with guilt. I imagine it will only get worse with time!
I hope yours gets better with time though :)
That blows! I have similar guilt. Not about working, but about not playing enough with my kids. I feel like we are always on the go and EJ spends most of her awake time in the car running errands with me when we should be curled up on her bed reading books.
I'm sorry things are so icky there right now. I wish there was something I could do to help. Do you want me to send my 17 year old to cook, clean and babysit for you? She's actually a great cook and makes dinner more often than I do.
I have the guilt thing too. We (read I) always spend more on food and things than we (I) should so therefore, I am currently looking for another job to supplement my husbands income. I truly hate living paycheck to paycheck....and still not actually getting everything paid for. Unfortunately, since daycare is really out of the question, this involves me working an overnight shift. When I am lacking in the sleep department I tend to be crankier than usual. So then the guilt is back again. (The small town we live in has a minimal amount of overnight positions available so no luck so far.)
{{hugs}}
I'm so sorry.
But I agree with Kathy, blogging helps me when I'm stressed.
Oh, and I got the Dora package. Thank you so much. Natalie immediately stole everything from me and was all, "Mines." Okay then.
Dr Laura would TOTALLY have some words for you, you bad feminist mama!!! Why, dear your Nr.1 priority in life should be your A) Kids, B) Husband and C) Your Family. Putting yourself or work in front of their needs is just wrong, wrong, wrong! You should give her a call and have a nice chit chat. :)
mine is in the same damn place except I hope/dread for a call to come in last minute and sub at school for money, but not just any school, only the school the is mere feet from my house so I can walk there, rain or shine, snow or slush, because we have one car and it happily takes off for a 1 hr commute with my husband. Grrr... it is so stressful, I hope I am not damaging my children with my grumpiness. I feel your pain sister, I feel your pain!
I can't imagine. I don't do this here blogging thing for cash, and it's hard enough to find the time and focus to do it with these kids underfoot. Dishes? What? I'm supposed to do those TOO?!
My guilt? Not having sex with my husband. Well, you asked. I am terrified TERRIFIED to get pregnant again. And no options are working out to prevent this, except for just nt putting out. But, uhm, that's probably not going to work forever either. Poor man.
I have two thoughts for you Heidi. Both come from personal experience :D
1-Guilt comes about when we compare ourselves with an ideal or with others. Cut the comparing! Or if you must, compare yourself this year with yourself last year, or five years ago. Consider all the ways you have grown and improved (yes there are ways that you still need to improve, but you can work on them later.) You will kill yourself trying to keep up with the Joneses, or with your own image of a perfect mother. Besides, SHE doesn't exist.
2-Your younger children don't have your time and energy in the same way the girls did, that's true. But THEY didn't have older sisters to read to them, play with them, giggle and laugh and have fun with them. (OK reality check here: torture them, tease them, etc.!) So you could feel guilty because you didn't provide your girls with older siblings. Or you could just say, Hey, life isn't all equal. Some kids have it better in one area than another, and that's ok.
So there's my thoughts on this stupid GUILT! At least, that's what I tell myself when it comes a-knockin' on my door. Hope you have a great day off and weekend!
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