What the sam hill is with this advertising campaign to "Have a Happy Period"?!?! How insulting is that?! Was it thought up by a man? Have a happy period. Psh. Happiness is an exclamation point, NOT a period if we're talking punctuation. Happiness is NOT cramps and emotions and moodiness. Happiness is not eating everything that isn't nailed down. Happiness is NOT period panties and tampons and pads.
Always thinks that I should have a happy period. They even have ecards you can send to your friends encouraging THEM to have a happy period. Isn't that thoughtful?
Let me tell you something...there are only two times in your life when your period is happy:
1) After you've made a mistake. Oh don't get all high and mighty on me - I don't just mean that "Snap, I can't believe I slept with him!" kind of mistake. Though that certainly fits the bill! I'm also including the "Crap, I forgot a pill last week." mistake and the "Oh, just forget the condom this time, honey!" mistake. Then you sweat it out for 3 weeks waiting for your period to start. When you walk into the bathroom and the clouds part, the angels sing and the blood doth flow? THAT is a happy period.
2) When you've been married for awhile you know that your period is a 5-7 day vacation from having sex. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes we just look forward to having an actual indisputable reason to say no, ok? No one better tell me I can have sex while on my period or I'm gonna kick you in the teeth. I can swim and horseback ride and do gymnastics on my period (right, Tampax?) but I do not want to have sex on my period.
That's it. Those are the only two times.
And P.S.? Wearing a pad makes my period even LESS happy. Nothing like sitting in a messy diaper to brighten your day, eh? Marketing FAIL, Always. Serously Stupid.
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32 comments:
So funny! I know what you mean though, I dread mine. No fun at all.
XOOX
Jen
To funny! Im with you though a period is not a happy time for me esp when you get 2 in teh same month!
Seriously woman... warn someone that you are going to be this funny so early in the morning...
I'm with ya on the "happy period" - definitely a man thought up that one!
I'm so jealous. I had a period within 3 months of having everyone of my kids.
LOL ... Heidi, you are a nut! What you said is true though. Ha.
Yay for you! Two years? That would have been a nice break!
mine was that long gone after my last one too. Nursing really helps. I loved the freedom from that horrible thing. But the break once a month is nice too *wink wink*
LOL!! You are seriously funny!
Amen, sister!
So funny and so true! Especially about the sex thing...ugh! I am not looking forward to the return of mine, hopefully I have another year!
I read a letter someone actually wrote to always about this stupid campaign. Read it here http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=6590.
Periods are never happy. It is the best part of being pregnant and nursing..the lack of this annoyance!
The "happy period" thing has bothered me for years! I have been boycotting Always ever since, they obviously have no clue. Do NO women work there? I don't get that. LOL I didn't know about the cards though, that is just wrong.
I have never heard of this "happy period" slogan thing, but i think I may be able to use it...like when I go somewhere and some grouchy person is having a bad day, I can say "have a happy period!" instead of the usual "have a nice day." I says so much, like, yeah, you have been bitchy, but hey, I hope you get over it...seriously. And it would work for guys too, although they probably might be a little slow on the uptake...like real slow. I know there was something stupid I was going to say, but reading about the period problem made me forget it...Oh, and by the way, being on her period never slowed me down if you know what I mean (wink ; wink ;)
I seriously needed that laugh today Heidi. You always pull me through.
Still LMAO at "Happiness is NOT cramps and emotions and moodiness. Happiness is not eating everything that isn't nailed down. Happiness is NOT period panties and tampons and pads".
Did you know that their little 'happy period pill' is actually a birth control pill that they just slapped a new name on? Yeah, the good ol prescription drug industry is doing a great job of renaming old drugs and telling us they will fix all new things. Corrupt, I tell you.
Hahaha! Definitely a marketing FAIL.
lol So true, so true!
Here's my seriously stupid. . . mine came back at six weeks. SIX WEEKS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
With the last one I'd read that nursing the baby every two hours would keep it from coming back. EVERY. TWO. HOURS.
Ain't true.
Oh, and did I mention they were then FIFTEEN. DAYS. APART. Do you feel badly for my poor hubby, having to put up with the hormonal ups and downs and etc.?
Thanks for the chance to vent! Hope you're back to your non-periodic self soon. :)
AGREED! That campaign was created by a man for sure. Who feels like doing gymnastics when they don't have their period anyhow? I managed to make it 18 months after my first without "the curse", not so much with the second, bummer.
Oh. Oh. My face hurts I am smiling so big. There is truth in those words. And, your wrote it so perfectly. Humor and Truth all in one. I love it! Glad I stopped by. Hope this week flies by for you. Use it as an excuse to eat lots of chocolate, get lattes, and lay around. That's what I dream of doing during my period (or any other time, really).
Ha, Ha, Ha...it's funny because it's true:-)
AMEN!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!
Seriously STUPID for me right now? STUPID kids at church that lie. Plain and simple. You did it. Admit it. Carry on.
Plain and simple.
But what's kind of funny....hehehehe a little SECRET I like to call PRINT SCREEN and EMAIL. So what Stupid didn't realize is...I am smarter than the average stick, and she is not. PRINT SCREEN+Email=You were shown to be a big ol' FAT LIAR.
Wait for it....
wait for it....
NOW!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!
Oh yes, it's good to be the Queen.
My next blog: what I've learned from heidi. For serious.
Amen sista!!
Heidi,
You don't need your period to have a break...just smear Vicks Vaporub on your face. My hubby couldn't stand the smell of it. Anytime I needed a night to myself, out came the Vicks...worked for me, maybe it will work for you! LOL
You.Are.Awesome. Love it!!!
Dudes...there is this great little thing called an IUD. It has been 5 years since I saw my last full fledge period...Do you see a campaign for this awesome thing...NO. Why? Because once it is in, you don't need a trip to the store for Tampax or Always...SERIOUSLY SMART, I tell you!
Vicks vaporub smells GOOD!!! Beht, baby you better watch out if I smell, er see you in Kmart!!!
Stopping by to say hi. And I agree, there is no happy period, unless (for me) it's one that is arrived after an oops!
I giggled my way through your post, then again through your comments.
I hear ya!
Though there's ONE nice thing about this yucky PCOS - way fewer cycles. Don't mess with my little denial... :)
Preach it.
Happy Hormonal Poisoning!
Epic Fail.
No period is a happy period. PERIOD!
So funny! I got mine back at 4 months postpartum BOTH times and while I was exclusively breastfeeding to boot! I envy you for not having it for that long!
A freaking men to number 2.
Oh how I've missed reading blogs....especially yours!
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