Re-Runs and Leftovers: Don't Argue with Me

I've seen it discussed a lot, recently, around the blogosphere that couples argue more on the way to church than any other day of the week. I'd like to address this issue by illustrating for you how it GENERALLY goes when a family gets ready for church.

(Disclaimer: This is a sweeping generalization. It may not apply to you. But it actually might, too, so don't think it doesn't. But don't think I'm talking to you, either, because maybe I'm not. Generalizations being what they are...this is very 'in general'. Thanks.)

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*ahem*

Day breaks.

Wait, no it doesn't. It's still dark out when I get up to get ready for church. Why is that? Oh yeah, because I have to get up BEFORE everyone else if I want to get a shower in and get my hair and make up done so I can look less like the undead and more like a virtuous woman when I go to church.

Of course, I only get halfway through my shower before someone wakes up and wants something from me. So then I'm frantically trying to help them while hurrying into the bathroom because if I don't get my hair blow dried and fixed before it air dires *too* much, it will never lay right. And that will make me cranky (er) .

Get my hair and make up started.

Get breakfast for more kids.

Feed the baby.

Work on hair and make up more. Which, by-the-by? Only takes me 15 min TOTAL when I can just get it all done at once.

Get nearly done and finally get a cup of coffee.

Start laying out clothes for kids who like to argue with me about what they want to wear. Tell them they're old enough to pick their own clothes ANYWAY just pick something that I won't let them wear to school that is appropriate. (See, this is so I know that the clothes they pick are clean and presentable for church. I, uh, let them wear pretty much whatever to school even if they look stupid. Yeah. It's their own social suicide, not mine.)

Get Corban dressed.

Eat my own breakfast while feeding the baby again.

Tell Rob (who is oblivious to the sounds of struggle downstairs as I am left to wrestle with all four kids and get myself ready for church, alone.) to get his butt out of bed.

Get B dressed.

Clean up and re-dress Corban because he's pooped his pants and dropped a ginormous turd on the floor down through his pant leg. *gag*

Make Cara put on tights because it's winter and she's not wearing those stupid flip flops.

Go into the bedroom and huff around, obviously annoyed, trying to find something to wear while Rob says "What's wrong?".

Lie and say 'Nothing.'

Try on an outfit.

Go downstairs and tell the girls to stop being mean to each other and no I don't want to hear it anymore.

Go back upstairs and tell Rob if he doesn't get up and get dressed NOW we're going to be late for church.

Try on several more outfits, which I hate, and end up in a pair of jeans and a shirt, as usual.

Take Corban to the bathroom.

Tell the girls to pack their church bags (because this is just news to them EVERY week. *smh*)

Pack the diaper bag.

Suck down my cold cup of coffee before brushing my teeth.

Look at Rob like he has two heads when he comes down and asks me if he has time to iron a shirt.

Feed B. (Damn..how much does this kid need to EAT?!)

Put on more deoderant and a spritz of perfume because running around like this is making me sweaty.

Help Cara with her cowlick.

Start the van.

Get everyone in their coats, boots, whatever.

Yell "FIVE MINUTES!"

Go upstairs and find Rob still in his underwear without his hair done yet.

Come down stairs and try not to scream.

Start loading kids in the van.

Yell "We're LEAVING - Let's GO!" and get into the van.

Drive to church in seething silence until Rob says, "Are you ok? Did something happen?"

Try to keep my head from spinning around and flying OFF of my body.

Arrive to church 10 minutes late for SS even though I've been up since before the crack of dawn.
Smile sweetly and nod as the greeter says "Happy Sabbath!"

And then? After I spend 40 minutes in preschool SS with the boys (very mentally stimulating) I try to stay awake in the Mother's room during the church service while I finally get to just sit in a comfy chair and nurse Brennan.

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That is a typical Sabbath morning when we all go to church. I suspect it's much the same in houses around the world! Thus, why so many people argue on the way to church.

Oh, yeah, and probably we all argue because Satan is trying harder but, yk, duh.

Feel free to use my sweeping generalization to inform your own mate as to the reason. I'm ok with it. I just want to help people, dontcha know?

You're welcome.

Originally Posted by heidi at 1:01 AM on Thursday, February 19, 2009