My kids are always telling me that no one else they have ever met ever has to do chores. I tell them they aren't meeting the right people. Yeah, I make my kids do chores. Every day except Saturday. I'm such a mean mom. Hey, look here - I'm not the maid and someone needs to teach these kids that it doesn't come easy. They make messes and it isn't my job to clean ALL of them up. There's 6 of us living in this house and we're all responsible, as a family, for making it run smoothly. And I don't pay them for doing chores. They have 2-3 small chores every day and I give them money when they need to go somewhere or get something as well as just in general to buy misc stuff here and there. If they want sdomething big they can ask to do extra chores to earn it and they can save up their gift money they receive.
Does Rob have chores? Eh, yeah kinda. I've been married to Rob for a long time. Long enough to know what works and what doesn't. Honey-do lists? They're really declarations of war. We've even had stand-offs to see who caved on doing certain things first - like the dishes. FYI? It's always me. I rely on Rob to take care of the cars and the garbage. And the recycling. Rob is also responsible for his own laundry. I fhe asks me to do some up for him, I've never said 'non', but on the whole he does his own washing. I don't pay him, either. ;-)
When I was a SAHM I did about 98% of the chores around the house. I figured it was my 'job', ya know? When I started working again, I expected more help from Rob. I still do but I've learned where my expectations end up being unreasonable and where they get met. Sometimes I can ask Rob to clean the bathroom - but to expect him to clean it every week will be a disappointment and, likely, a fight.
I work from home, and I stay home with the kids, but I would say I still do about 90% of the household tasks. Is it fair? No. Is everything in life fair? No. Is it worth crying over? Not usually. Sometimes I pitch a little fit, but generally I just do what I do. Rob has been married to me long enough to know that if I'm actually *asking* for help, then I really need it.
How about you all? Who does what in your house? Are there typical sex lines drawn in the chore sand? He does the yard and the trash and the cars and you are the domestic queen? Or does he do the dishes and you mow the lawn? What about your kids? If they do have chores - do you pay them?
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21 comments:
you mean toilets aren't self cleaning???
dammit, jim!!
Yeah! I'm not the only MEAN mom! I'm a SAHM. Hubby isn't expected to do much, but often offers to do what he can to help. Kids are expected to do household chores and have their own laundry days. no one gets paid. it's a team effort, we have high expectations and they know what they are. oh, btw...i do yard work too. shocking to some, which always cracks me up. too many people have nannies, maids and gardners...what the heck do they do???
Our kids will have chores, too. I like the idea of the 'allowance jars' (me, others, God) or something like that.
My husband does the majority of the laundry and all of the vacuuming that our Roomba doesn't do as well as the outdoor and car stuff. He also takes care of the cat.
I'm blessed. :)
I am a SAHM but my girls are in school all day, no little ones running around here, that does make a big difference!
I do 98% of the work because I do believe it's my "job". If I worked it would totally be different.
With that being said the girls do have certain things they have to take care of with no pay. Their room's, help with the dishes, feeding the dogs and taking care of the other 10 million animals we have.
I do laundry twice a week. If it's not in the color coded laundry bags on wash day then it either waits or you do it yourself, that goes for everyone!
As far as my hubby is concerned, he works crazy hours so other than the garbage going to the curb and writing checks for the outdoor maintenance he's off the hook!
It's been this way for nearly 17 years of marriage and almost 15 years of parenting so obviously it works for us!
I do it all. But I don't work outside the home anymore...He puts the trash by the road. The kids help a little but not as much as the should.
I make my boys do chores. Elijah needs to learn responsibility and how to follow through on things.
Corey? His mother NEVER made him do chores growing up, and it made the first couple of years of our marriage... interesting... He had never made his own hamburger, muffins-anything. NO laundry, mopping, anything. I do not want my boys to do the same thing!
May I introduce my children to yours? My 6 year old son can sweep the kitchen floor, move clothes from washer to dryer, fold clothes and put them away (everything except bath towels and parents' clothes), and vaccuum the living room floor. (Not all on the same day, mind you.) My 4 year old son can carry the dry clothes into the bedroom to be folded, fold clothes and put them away (hand towels, washcloths, pants, underwear), sweep small piles off the kitchen floor. All three of the kids can put away their toys and books.
I pretty much do the rest. I am a SAHM, and I home school; I figure my hubby's contribution to the family is bringing home the proverbial bacon. BUT, many days I'm so tired, sick, overwhelmed, whatever and he does pitch in then. He also is excellent with the kids and usually handles the "getting ready for bed" routine.
I think like you do Heidi, we (our family) are all in this together and everybody has a part to play!
When the kids are older, we are planning to give them a small allowance that is not tied to chores. This gives them a chance to learn to manage money. (Hubby and I have an "allowance" too, a little money that we can spend however we want, whereas the rest goes for bills and food and etc.)
All this sounds like I have all my ducks in a row, doesn't it? I don't. The boys often complain about doing their chores (and then I like to add more to their list. . . that was your idea I "borrowed" :D) We usually skip chores Saturday and Sunday but still, Monday mornings when it's time for chores they are known to complain loudly, "When can I have a break?" (Hard not to roll my eyes on that one, or give the guilt trip remarks--"if I take a brake, you don't have food to eat!")
Sorry about writing a book here! :)
I am, for the most part, a SAHM. (I do have a small job I do several nights a week from home on the computer but it's really nothing) My children have chores. The older two have either the dishes or clean the counters and stove, put the recycling out in the bins, sweep and put the leftovers away. They switch off between the two sets each week. Jaquelyn has to empty the dishwasher and clear the table. Rebecca's not quite there yet but she does have to put her dishes in the sink when she's finished eating.
They don't get paid for these chores but I will occasionally buy them things when we're out.
My husband works like a maniac at his regular job leaving by 5am to return home around 6pm. He then has a ton of work to do for the coffee company he owns with a friend of his. He used to be responsible for the trash but rarely remembers these days. (I'll pay for that remark but it's true) He takes care of almost all the yard work but I am the keeper of the cars. I do any car work I can and the local garage (that I adore and have posted about) has their own ringtone on my phone.
OK, now that I have commented a book, I think I have covered all your questions.
Oh I forgot...the laundry is all mine. I don't want help washing because if they mess it up there's h*ll to pay. I will occasionally ask the kids to move the clothes from the washer to dryer or take the clean clothes upstairs but I do everything a specific way and no one better interfere.
Wow! I guess you just opened up a can of worms!! ;) I'll make mine short and sweet. I do most of the housework. I ask hubby when I need help and help is given (95% of the time). I'm working on getting my wee ones into a small chore schedule (2 kids under 3 years). I'm sure there's a lot more detail than that, but I'm too tired to think about housework!!
Thats why you have kids, right? Put them to work as soon as they get strong enough to carry an axe and tall enough to reach the washing machine, heck buy em a step stool! And dont let them talk you out of anything!
I do most of the housework. Brad is responsible for the yard and the trash but he will occasionally load the dishwasher if I ask him to. Cleaning is probably my least favorite thing to do and when we were first married, we had several big fights about his expectation that I would do all of the house work because I am a woman but now that I am a SAHM it is my job to take care of the house, so I mostly do it without complaining. And I will admit that I do have some help. Twice a month, a cleaning service comes in and does a thorough cleaning. Libby doesn't have specific chores yet but she does "make" her bed everyday and I am starting to teach her how to fold laundry. Both girls have to help clean up if they make a mess.
As a SAHM I feel that the house is basically my responsibility. Husband does take care of the yard, trash, fixing things, etc. With three small kids, I do sometimes need him to help out a bit. I can't complain...whenever I ask for help, he's always very willing and does not complain. He takes no initiative whatsoever though. Seriously, I'll come home from Bible Study and point out all the dishes in the kitchen and he'll say, "Oh, I didn't realize I needed to clean that up." Then he will happily do it, but I have to be specific. This used to drive me crazy...I mean, my husband is extremely smart...I just wanted to smack him sometimes with the common-sense-stick. But, now we've found what works and we go with it. Jack has chores. Setting the table, cleaning his room, putting away laundry, etc. Melody is getting there. I'm all about having my own little personal assistants and mini-maids! lol.
My husband HAS to help around the house. I am really busy during the day with appointments so I don't have as much time to clean as other SAHM's with two kids. He helps a lot with putting away laundry or cleaning up the kitchen.
There are a lot of things that I do so much faster so I do them always (like cleaning bathrooms), and then there are things he doesn't so much faster (like mopping) so he does them.
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I seem to do it all and stuggle with that... my husband works long hours so I am not sure if it is fair to expect more from him when he gets home. I certainly don't want to do it all but as a SAHM I guess I should just be thankful I am able to spend time with my kids. If he would just pick up after himself I think I would be much happier - even the kids pick up after themselves or can be reminded to do so... it starts a fight if I remind my husband to pick up after himself. I don't think there is a good answer to this one.
We're much the same as you. Tahd does cars, outdoor stuff, trash, recycling... I do his laundry. Or rather, I *say* I'll do his laundry. Actually doing ANY laundry is another question! He also is in charge of bathing Gabe. I hate the grooming stuff, so he does that. I do the cooking and cleaning for the most part, although he's always up for helping. I have a very good husband!
Oh, I should point out also that hubby deals with outside stuff. Wood for the woodstove, gardening, chickens, dog, cat, vehicles. Last year I took over mowing the lawn (usually he does that) and it about killed me. Big lawn. He was working on a little addition to our kitchen. The lack of initiative really bugs me, too. If i ask he's happy (usually) to help, but noticing that something needs to be done, and doing it? not so much. (But that could be because I'm rather picky about the way I want things done. And I've been the critical, complaining wife in the past. . . yeah, working on changing that too!)
Our roles are pretty traditional. He is in charge of outside (except for the garden) and I am in charge of inside. I have an older daughter outside the house and a young daughter inside. My younger daughter doesn't have chores per se but she does have expectations. I expect her to make her bed and keep her room tiday. She is also required help to set the table and help bring groceries in.
99.9% is me.
Indoors, outdoors...
Only thing he does is fix the cars. Even then I have to remind him they're broken and to do it!
memememememe...yep that's who does it all around here ;) I just figure its easier for me to do it with the exception of older DD who gets the pleasure of doing her own laundry and takes the trash out 2x/wk. Of course I have to remind said dd to take trash out 'cause you know its soooo hard to remember that trash pickup is MOnday and Thursday. I mean honestly could YOU remember that trash comes the same days each and every week of your life?? Or even get a little reminder when you walk by all the trash cans on the way to the bus stop that OOPS today is trash day !!
I do get yard help tho - I have severe outdoor allergies and cannot do outdoor crud. So I am duly thankful for the "yard help" :)
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