Dear Girls of Mine:

I have a few things I've been wanting to discuss with you for some time now. You're getting older and you're in public school - which means you're being exposed to things at an alarming rate. And by alarming I mean "HOLY CRAP, where did you get that?!"

You've been wanting to expand your horizons as of late - and we've let you plead your case on some things. See, we're fair parents and believe that if we're wrong, we'll admit it. We're rarely wrong, though, so it's hard for us to recognize when it does occur. For instance, sleepovers. Up until a few months ago the pat answer for you sleeping somewhere or your friends sleeping here was a resounding 'No.'. You both begged (Sienna moreso than Cara) and pleaded with us. We maintained our stance but told you if you could convince us otherwise, we'd relent. Well, kudos to you because you've now both been on and had sleepovers. A victory for you.

You've brought home some interesting music lately. And by interesting I mean, "What in the hell is this garbage?" You sing lyrics to me that you don't understand but that are so filthy they make me cringe. You want to be able to sing these songs. THIS is the music your friends listen to! I implored you to tell me one redeeming thing about this music. Oh, sweet Sienna...*sigh* you brought out the "Everybody at my school istens to it." card. That card NEVER works.

1) If everyone else is doing it, then you most certainly won't be because I really don't approve of everybody else. I'm a snob.

2) Everyone else is NOT doing it. ONE person you know is and it just seems like everyone because your world is very small.

Guys - mommy is not a moron. She isn't new at this. As hard as it is to believe, she was a kid once, too. I know, back when dinosaurs roamed but me and the ole T-Rex? We tried all the same things you are and will. We're wise to you - hip to your ways. I know you love it when I talk like that.

That skirt that is too short? I threw it out. The shirt that says it's all about you? It isn't, so I felt like it was false advertising which is the same as lying so I got rid of it. Your friends' CD that was talking about going low and shaking your thang? It's gone, too. And by gone I mean "Whoosh! Check out those flames!"

Just to recap:

1) Everybody is NOT doing it, and if they are then they're all a bunch of morons. But since I'm not everybody elses mother, it's not my problem.

2) Mommy is not a moron. Even though you will believe that she is until after you have children and realize the cold, hard truth.

3) If you dig that skirt and shirt out of the garbage and change into it at school? I will come to your class and dance like no one is watching. Every day for a week. With a sign on my back that says I am YOUR mom. I'll even make a youtube video if you keep pushing.

4) I love you. And by that I mean, "I love you."

Peace out.

Mom